Mine snivels that when I get "all dressed up" it means she has to, too. I tell her she can dress anyway she wants but I don't change clothes. Then, for reasons I don't understand, she changes clothes anyway. Mind, what she calls "all dressed up" is a sport coat, slacks, AE's and either a turtleneck or a polo. So I suspect that you are yet another victim of women's desire to slop around in sweats.

 

Assuming you don't appreciate having your wife choose your clothes for you, here's what you do -

Next time you're going out to dinner with friends, you ask her what she's wearing. Then, go and change it completely, largely ignoring her preferences so as to please yourself.

When she complains that you're being unreasonable (or worse), point out to her that you're doing precisely what she's been doing with you.

Oh, sure, you'll still probably wind up having to apologize to her. And she'll still tell you what to wear. And you'll be the bad guy. But at least for a brief moment, you'll be able to feel better about the whole thing.

But what do I know? I'm unmarried, and tend to wear what I like.
--
Michael

 

It's more time-consuming for her to dress up than for me, so I match my wife.

 

When I was first really bitten by the sartorial bug, it was definitely an issue between my wife and me. Over the years she has become cooler about the whole matter, but I still sometimes get the sneers, the disdainful glances and whatnot. I think the whole business boils down to the fact that women are mostly nasty, hateful creatures who will throw acid on our parade any chance they get.

 

When I was first really bitten by the sartorial bug, it was definitely an issue between my wife and me. Over the years she has become cooler about the whole matter, but I still sometimes get the sneers, the disdainful glances and whatnot. I think the whole business boils down to the fact that women are mostly nasty, hateful creatures who will throw acid on our parade any chance they get.

C'mon, Jan, don't hold back; tell us what you really think.

Most, not all, women are going to make men's dress judgements on what they have been told or shown by the "trendy" people, or by Joan Rivers and her crowd and the like. Not much we can do about it. The same genetic defect causes them to "redecorate" rooms so they can't be lived in comfortably. If you tell them that you have no intention of dressing poorly you're not so much questioning their judgement, as (subconsciously, perhaps) reminding them that they really have none, which is worse.

If, a year from now, you tried to wear the same outfit she currently okays, you'll hear "Oh, no, you're not wearing that, are you?"

 

Is it just me, or am I the ONLY man having his Wife ask him to "dress down"?????

It's not just you, but doesn't always have to be a battle. I tend to dress to intimidate for work - I find it helps me to assert control over meetings, and gain psychological advantage in negotiations when I am far and away the best-dressed in the room. The more I do this, the harder it is for me to dial back the formidable formal appearance when a more casual demeanor is required. I tend to think of "casual" much in the way you described - sportcoat, trousers, dress shirt and tie. The reality is that such clothing is much more formal than is typically required outside of work, and thus can border on inappropriately stuffy/fussy-looking.

My wife comes from a completely opposite point of view - she is a scientist, and her work environment consists of offices and laboratory housed in a manufacturing facility. Her work is very casual, with jeans and other very casual clothing being the norm, along with lab coats and safety shoes when necessary. To her, "dressing up" is only a little bit more formal than her work clothing, and here in Nashville she fits right in with all the other casual clothing wearers. It causes her stress if I'm too dressed up, because she then feels inadequately dressed, even though she usually is not.

I try to remember this, and try to find ways to meet her halfway. Cotton or linen pants instead of wool trousers, a more casual sportcoat, a flashy pocket square instead of a tie, suede shoes instead of polished smooth leather. The nice thing is that if I choose the garments properly, with an eye to subtle quality instead of impressiveness, I look relaxed and casual, but I'm still the best-dressed guy in the room/at the event!

 

This thread makes me appreciate my wife, who is definitely an enabler of my clothes addiction! She often gets me off the fence about a purchase. That said, some of the more fopish/anachronistic things I'm drawn to will provoke comments. She just cannot bring herself to love an ascot or neckerchief. I have some ghurka shorts that we don't see eye-to-eye on. But even when she views something askance, she rarely forbids it (a hat is occasionally an exception). She has strong views on colors that look good on me, but she does (decorating) color consulting, and she's almost invariably right.

A much more common dispute is that we will be out somewhere with our preschooler daughter, and we will all be dressed like crap. My wife will want to go to a fairly upscale restaurant. I will complain that we will be out of place. She'll point out that there are sure to be at least one or two people dressed even more slovenly. She's comfortable being at the 20th percentile in dress, whereas I am not.

I think that women are generally trained that it is better to be underdressed than overdressed; the contrary is true for men. Men and women do better when they just accept that the dressing rules are different for each other.

 

Mine has made me go change on more than one occasion to "take it down a notch". I mean, what's the purpose of having nice looking stuff if you can't wear it???

 

I suspect it makes a difference if you've started dressing better during a relationship, or if you already dressed well when you met the person you're with. My girlfriend has only rarely objected to what I wear, but I've actually started dressing more casually since we met. On the other hand, I've had to tell her that flip-flops really don't work in Manhattan, but that's got more to do with safety than style.

 

I live in a college town full of 18-24 year olds wearing sweats, tshirts, and other assorted rubbish. Putting on a simple pair of Dockers will usually make me the best dressed person in the room. Therefore, it is quite hard to get my wife to go along with my new found fondness of dressing well. Not to mention she was raised around this area, partly on a farm as a youth. I dressed like every other college kid when we met 10 years ago, so she has a hard time understanding that dressing well was an important part of my youth, growing up in suburban Memphis.

 

Women, again not all, also tend to be much more sensitive to what other people in the group are wearing. Whereas you might think you're dresssing better, she only sees it as different, and therefore a reason for the other children to point and laugh and make up demeaning verse

 

When I was first really bitten by the sartorial bug, it was definitely an issue between my wife and me. Over the years she has become cooler about the whole matter, but I still sometimes get the sneers, the disdainful glances and whatnot. I think the whole business boils down to the fact that women are mostly nasty, hateful creatures who will throw acid on our parade any chance they get.

Ha! This almost put my morning coffee in my lap

 

It helps that most of my clothes came from thrift stores. It's hard for the spouse to complain when everything I have on cost less than her shoes. And she doesn't complain, regardless. She's awesome.

 

...Is it just me, or am I the ONLY man having his Wife ask him to "dress down"?????

Next time she complains; just say airily "Your complaint has been noted." Then don't change anything. After having gone to the trouble of getting nice clothes; I wouldn't dress down or slobby just because that's what she wants. Yes I know that it's the perhaps sharp contrast between how she looks and how nice you look.

Modern life tries to generate meaning by being free and "natural" without any regard for how the former customs helped make life productive and truly enjoyable.​

 

Loooks like I'm another one of the lucky few.
My partner is my personal shopper, and I rely on her opinions on what looks good or not.
She has never complained about me dressing well, although she doe's usually have a little dig if I am dressed in my scruffs.

 

A while back, for fun, my girlfriend and I picked out some things we'd like to see on each other at a few stores. We both found a few things that we actually liked, learned a few things, and expanded our tastes a little. Then we went home and laughed about the things we didn't do so well on. I think we both have a respect for each other's tastes.

A couple of times she has complained that I looked "too dressed up" in comparison to her. I've argued that an OCBD and khakis wasn't too far removed from, say, a summer dress or a blouse and dark jeans with heels. That is what I prefer to wear, I find it as comfortable as jeans and a t-shirt but better looking. She's beginning to understand that. Sometimes I will meet her halfway and leave off a sport coat or tie depending on what she's wearing and where we're going. Other times we both get bit by the bug and dress in our finest attire -- suit and tie, cocktail dress -- and get our friends to join in on it at a dinner out to a nice place.

All in all, I don't think we should see our wives and girlfriends as enemies conspiring to make us look as shabby as possible. We just need to see it from their point of view and try to work it out. Either I have a really awesome girlfriend (I do regardless ) or this is not really as big a deal as some of you are making it to be!

 

It is interesting-- my wife has excellent taste, and certainly supports me wearing high quality items. It is more on the level of formality that we differ-- she prefers to dress less formally, and would prefer that I did as well.

And, she hates double breasted suits.

Despite all of this, she puts up with me, so I certainly can't complain!

 

...a summer dress or a blouse and dark jeans with heels. That is what I prefer to wear,

Still working on coffee; I had to read that twice!

 

My wife and I, for the most part, manage to dress our (respective) selves...and I think, are fairly competent in making good choices. Criticisms are rarely offered to the other, but when they are, they are almost always thoughtfully considered...before being dismissed, as we go forward wearing what we originally planned to wear! LOL.

 

Still working on coffee; I had to read that twice!

Haha, nothing I've been in has required me to cross-dress for the part... yet. :icon_smile_wink:

 

My wife and I, for the most part, manage to dress our (respective) selves...and I think, are fairly competent in making good choices. Criticisms are rarely offered to the other, but when they are, they are almost always thoughtfully considered...before being dismissed, as we go forward wearing what we originally planned to wear! LOL.

+1 I don't tell her what to wear nor let her tell me.

 

I have never been married. However, my primary female friend (my best friend to be more precise, not a lover) wears dresses, tights, highly attractive and mature clothing. For a 27yo, she is very stylish. Most of her stuff comes from expert shopping, thrift stores and gifts I purchase her (for example, I purchased a dead stock D&G gown for her) and also becomes part of her stage wardrobe. She is a professional musician and has performed in everywhere from the lowest of dive bars, to classy joints, to high end venues. She always wear a dress or more formal clothes while performing. But even if it's a simple date at the movies, it's not uncommon for her to wear professional clothing.

I have another female friend who works as a customs inspector. She wears cargo pants and a uniform blouse to work, so when she gets off work, it's jeans, sweats, tee shirts and sneakers. I have a great deal of respect for the work she does, and I remember having a job with a mandatory suit and tie job. When I had that job, I changed often into my bedclothes to hang around my apartment, so I don't really fault her for being uber-casual after work. And quite bluntly, I care more about the person than what they are wearing.

The first girl practically expects me to wear an overcoat, sportscoat, tie (often a bow) and nice shoes. The second, likes me however I dress, but when I see her, I tend to dress "down" because I realize that she has neither the desire or money to dress up after work. She owns one dress, bought for a wedding.

As for being told to dress down, often it's mommy dearest who says, "You shouldn't wear a bow tie to the movies" or "Don't wear a suit to go out to a nightclub". Mother unfortunately grew up with substantially less prominent sartorial influences and she dislikes it when she says I "overdress" for things like supper, travel, family gatherings, etc. I'm sorry, but if somebody's getting married, Easter weekend or a long distant relative is coming to visit, I'm not putting on the dog, I'm putting on appropriate clothing.

Thomas

 

That's awesome. A movie date in a coat and blouse is appropriate -- going to movies with your family or a date used to be an occasion on the same level of going to a playhouse. Everyone wore their Sunday best. Unfortunately even the latter is starting to lose that level of respect, going by both the attire and, more importantly, manners that I've seen on display. I speak as an actor who has witnessed first row audience members talking to each other and texting on their phones... when I'm performing mere feet in front of them.

Your mother and mine are probably of the same generation, having grown up in the '60s and '70s. She often gives me the same sort of grief.

 

My wife didn't seem to mind at first how I was starting to take note of the fit and colors of clothes I was buying .She started to raise an eyebrow when she found me having the balls to walk into a store like Brooks Brothers, having a reputation in our circles as a very expensive and highly formal store for men's clothing.
She raised the second eyebrow when she started noticing boxes and boxes of online purchases arriving at our home (mostly BB). "What did you buy now??" she would ask.
Of course when we met and for the first 15 years together, I would ask her to pick up my clothes for me. I would ask her to buy me all colors of the same shirt so I could have different combinations to wear.
Fast forward to the present day, she and my kids ask me how something looks and whether it fits them well. Inasmuch as I no longer have boxes and boxes of clothes arriving at my home, now that my wardrobe has gained a decent status, from time to time she will look me up and down and reluctantly say that she thinks I'm overdressed and that no one at [fill the event name here] will be dressed up so I should dress down as well.

 

My wife and I, for the most part, manage to dress our (respective) selves...and I think, are fairly competent in making good choices. Criticisms are rarely offered to the other, but when they are, they are almost always thoughtfully considered...before being dismissed, as we go forward wearing what we originally planned to wear! LOL.

+1 I don't tell her what to wear nor let her tell me.

LOL. I strongly suspect there exists a direct correlation between the frequency of such exchanges and the length of time one has been married to his/her spouse. After a while, methinks they give up on changing us!