You don’t need fashion advice; you need relationship advice.

Seems as if you and your partner have a communications problem. You should show him what you wrote above. Then see if he’s open to a compromise—he will dress up more often and you will dress down more often. If the two of you can’t agree on the terms of a compromise, then you might have to seek advice from an entirely different kind of forum.

 

You don't need anyone's permission to be the best dressed guy in the room . If the ties look good on you , wear them .

 

If the OP wants to stay in his relationship, then—whether he wants to or not—he has no choice but to consider his partner’s feelings.

I’d agree with your advice if the person objecting to the tie were anyone other than the OP’s significant other.

 

In my experience, the contrast of a crisp white shirt will increase the formality of a suit or even a sports jacket, so if you want to compromise, then maybe use colors that blend more ('blend', not 'bland'...) with less contrast?
Then your partner can agree to not wear graphics t-shirts and backwards baseball caps?

 

The last thing anyone needs is a relationship with someone who tries to dress them down. The problem usually isn't how you dress, it's how they dress and they aren't looking good in comparison. There are plenty of fish in the sea and this sounds like aggravation you just don't need...

 

Wow...what an umm, odd take on this. How about love, compatibility, values, etc.?

 

What, am I the only clothes guy here, anymore? You guys are starting to sound like Dorothy Dix with all this relationship advice. Nobody should be allowed to come between any of us and dressing well...

 

Such a shallow, vacuous take on the OP's question. Just wow.

 

Well, we certainly wouldn't want to confuse anyone by posting about clothing on a clothing forum, not that either of you would ever do such a thing. Neither shall I know what you do from now on, anyway. God bless the guy who invented that ignore button...

 

Well, we certainly wouldn't want to confuse anyone by posting about clothing on a clothing forum, not that either of you would ever do such a thing. Neither shall I know what you do from now on, anyway. God bless the guy who invented that ignore button...

I think you should put the entire forum on ignore and find an entirely different place to be an a** h***.

 

vinodh.vinodh:
This article may help you partner understand.

Clothes DO Make the Man

Is there a cause/effect in how we are treated by the world? Does it make a difference in getting someone to help you in a Department store, or being seated at a good table in a restaurant? Can't people look through all the superficial and see the real us? "I don't get no respect" - Rodney...

www.askandyaboutclothes.com

 

Or dig out Carlyle and reread Sartor Resartus.

 

Save your keystrokes, gentlemen. I really meant it when I said I'd hit the ignore button. I can't say I meant that for VV as I already had him on ignore. Go ahead, continue to insult me as much as you want. I won't know anything about it...

 

Thank you.

 

Wow.

This went sideways quickly.

 

How about alternate dress styles when you go out with your partner? You both "dress up" one day so you get to wear your ties, and "dress down" the next time so your partner gets to feel comfortable. That way, you both have your moment to shine.

I don't think you can really "dress down" a tie. A button down shirt with a tie, a v neck sweater and some nice jeans is about as dressed down as you can get while wearing a tie. You can also go out to more places where "dressing up" isn't out of place such as theater productions and fancy restaurants.

And you can always wear your ties when you fly solo, whether you're going to work, traveling alone or spending an evening out by yourself.

 

I’m big on ties too, and know the feeling. I do find that even people that comment on me being “dressed up” don’t seem to react as strongly to knit ties. I have a burgundy wool knit, pale blue cotton knit, and black silk knit that I reach for pretty frequently. OP: Maybe try patterned shirts and solid ties for a bit if you don’t currently and see what type of reaction you get.

 

Some of my relatives will comment about my "overdressing" during Thanksgiving, but then, their idea of "dressing" comes with pinch or two of sage (and sloppy old denim that is three inches too long). A knit tie, plaid shirt and jeans seems to placate them somewhat. I have thought about "wearing" some of the gravy on the tie .

 

It is fascinating to learn that someone has been ignoring you all along, yet have no clue why. Since VS is ignoring me anyway, I can safely say without offending him, I could never understand him.

 

FWIW, based on what I've seen from him in my short time there, I doubt many understand him.

So, I took a cue from him and utilized the ignore function even though I wasn't attacked or anything because I doubt I'd have gained any in the future.

 

My thoughts, there are two questions here:

How to dress down ties is a question of general formality within a range. Let Mr. Rogers be your guide. Collared shirt, preferably not white, sweater, tie, etc. For sweater you can try cardigans, v neck, or crew neck. Do also consider fabrics. In general, shiny, sleek fabrics will appear more formal (I.e. a fine shirt with silk satin tie is more formal than an oxford cloth button down with a knit tie).

I can't speak to the latter part of the question on what would make your partner comfortable. I'd imagine that propriety matters, as does communication, and compromise but the balance of which is really not something I'd want to comment on further.

 

Sometimes my wife dresses casually while I wear a jacket and tie. I tell her she looks lovely in her brightly colored tights and t-shirts and she does.

Depending on the day and the occasion, she may dress closer to my clothes or I may dress closer to hers.

She sometimes mentions that she is dressing more casually than me. When she does I tell her I like her look and off we go. When we are out, nobody seems to care what we are wearing.

 

Much more often than not, my husband dresses casually when we're out and about (t-shirt, shorts or jeans, athletic shoes, unless the occasion calls for dressing up, and this is someone who only has one pair of dress pants. Egad!) compared to me, who loves to dress dapper even when we're just going out for a casual lunch or running errands. He sometimes remarks that I look dorky because of the contrast between where we're going and what I'm wearing, but he is cool with what I choose to wear (even when I look more gentlemanly than him. Ha!) and vice versa.

 

Your partner feels self-conscious and that is a bit of a sign of insecurity. Be proactively open when you meet others as a couple... to take the heat of off him as being underdressed (to defuse his self-consciousness) and instead put it on yourself as overdressed... "I would wear a tie to a pool party if I could get away with it.. poor Joe has to suffer my tie obsession...". Should you need to do this? No. But it is a way to demonstrate that you care how your partner feels. Otherwise, If you have some very casual sports coats, they can be worn with jeans and a patterned shirt with a tie... If your partner would be willing to compromise, buy them a very casual sports coat they can wear with jeans and a t-shirt when you are wearing your tie.

 

Ties do not require sharp suits such as are in the OP's profile photo.

At the moment I am hanging around an academic place. For a social event every Monday morning, I have decided to dress a bit better than usual. That has meant a black tie, a tweed jacket, and a shirt that looks perfectly fine without calling attention to itself. More colors and patterns than I'd usually wear in the evening, and often (because the UK is indifferent about this kind of thing) French cuffs. I generally save my button-down collars for when no tie is needed, but that would be another option.

FWIW, I wear a tweed jacket most days in the winter, although often with a polo shirt. It has as much to do with convenience as adherence to a dress code.

For the rest, loafers or suede shoes work, although most Brits wear black out of thrift (or laziness). Flannel, moleskin, corduroy, or cavalry twill trousers bring it home.

Sinatra did a similar look a lot in the 50s.

 

Read all of the above, many takes. What about dressing down the tie? With a v-neck instead of a jacket, or slightly loosened with the top button unbuttoned, or with a jacket and jeans. You still get to wear the tie and not look formal about it

 

Unfortunately I feel it is difficult to dress down a tie, maybe impossible. One idea, which is sort of a half measure, is to try a bow tie?

My wife prefers to dress more casually then I do for any given occasion. I think she sometimes feels my penchant for wearing suits and ties forces her to dress more formally than she would prefer, but over the years she has gotten used to it-- and become more accepting of wearing what she wants to wear, regardless of what I am wearing.

 

7

Unfortunately I feel it is difficult to dress down a tie, maybe impossible. One idea, which is sort of a half measure, is to try a bow tie?

My wife prefers to dress more casually then I do for any given occasion. I think she sometimes feels my penchant for wearing suits and ties forces her to dress more formally than she would prefer, but over the years she has gotten used to it-- and become more accepting of wearing what she wants to wear, regardless of what I am wearing.

i often stick a bowtie in my pocket until I have scoped the scene. If it is obviously dressy enough when viewed from my car, on it goes. If things are different inside it is easy to tie it or leave it in my pocket.

 

@TomKnighton on which thread is your second amendment rant? I would like to read it, living in Texas as I do.

 

I don't think I have one on here.

I spend enough time doing that professionally since that's how I pay the bills.

 

Well, it looks like smmrfld is back. Yes, I can see he made a post. No, I can't see what he said because I've ignored him. But, it's a safe bet that if he didn't come here to troll me, he's here to troll somebody else. How do I know this? Because that's all he ever does. Never a meaningful comment. I suppose there's a reason this site tolerates those who just come here to cause trouble, but I can't imagine what it could be...

 

The key here is for both people in the relationship to be happy with how the other chooses to expresses themself. I once had a girlfriend who liked to dress very casually. She usually wore a t-shirt and jeans, both nicely fitted. She looked great in them, so I never complained. She told me that I inspired her to dress a little better, which I appreciated. But while she didn't complain about how dressed up I often was, I think it made her feel inferior. She never expressed such feelings, which was a bigger problem. I think she cited our different styles as one reason for breaking up with me, which I think is ridiculous.

 

Is there any chance of wearing suits and ties to work more often than you do now, rather than looking at social occasions?

Or, as is sometimes proposed for someone who wants to wear a tux more often, start creating more social engagements in which that is the appropriate attire.

Maybe both of you could compromise a bit on what you'll wear, depending on what you're doing. More ties for you, more t-shirts for him.

 

A traditional collegiate look similar to that of Ralph Lauren is a good compromise -- Oxford shirt with button-down collar, chinos, brown shoes, and a tie. Your partner can wear a premium tee sans logo, a golf shirt, etc.

 

Probably, I'm a bit late to reply.

So, I tried to dress down with a sweater (as suggested) and some chinos instead of wearing a full suit and tie. And it's been working so far!

Thanks again for your replies!