I'm curious to see how forum members would handle a situation where a friend shows up to a dinner, meeting, or some other event and is either dressed improperly or has committed a sartorial blunder. I have a friend that always fastens the bottom button on his suits - even though he has been told that isn't proper.
hockeyinsider
Usually better to broach such topics abstractly. It doesn't help to undermine a friend's confidence at a meeting or in a social situation and put him on the spot. If I remember, I'll bring it up over a beer when such things can be discussed without casting a klieg light on your friend. If he's a good friend, he'll take that opportunity to point out some of your peccadillos as well.
It will depend on the closeness of relationship to the friend in question. If you know him very well (i.e. arm around his neck, punchy in the arm, etc) then I would just go and unbutton his bottom waistcoat/jacket button if I met him en route and if we were alone (while complimenting on his dress and then pointing out the error, etc). If we don't have such degree of intimacy and in a public place, then no I'd leave it.
If he's a real friend, and not merely an acquaintence or co-worker, you ought to be able to make the point very directly and without embarassment to either party if you approach it as a joke.
In my experience, people take the most well-intentioned criticism quite hard (and often defensively) if it is offered in an earnest, serious tone. OTOH, anybody worthy of being your friend will have the ability to laugh at themselves.
One non-clothing-related anectdote springs to mind. I have a friend with whom I have played golf, off and on, for several years. Although he loved golf an almost unseemly amount, he was simply not very good at it. One of his great faults on the links was his posture: before every shot, he practically squatted by the ball, hunching his shoulders, dipping his knees, and curling his pelvis and lower back towards the ball. Many of us admonished him to "stand up more," to "keep a straight spine," etc. To no avail. He simply wouldn't listen and got defensive. Finally, I said, "God, man, it looks like you're getting ready to f*** a sheep!" After he quit laughing, he began working on his posture in earnest. Not long afterward, he did break 100 for the first time, which was a vast improvement over prior scores.
IOW, tell him, in the most offensive terms you can come up with, that he looks terrible. Just smile when you say it.
In my experience, people take the most well-intentioned criticism quite hard (and often defensively) if it is offered in an earnest, serious tone. OTOH, anybody worthy of being your friend will have the ability to laugh at themselves.
One non-clothing-related anectdote springs to mind. I have a friend with whom I have played golf, off and on, for several years. Although he loved golf an almost unseemly amount, he was simply not very good at it. One of his great faults on the links was his posture: before every shot, he practically squatted by the ball, hunching his shoulders, dipping his knees, and curling his pelvis and lower back towards the ball. Many of us admonished him to "stand up more," to "keep a straight spine," etc. To no avail. He simply wouldn't listen and got defensive. Finally, I said, "God, man, it looks like you're getting ready to f*** a sheep!" After he quit laughing, he began working on his posture in earnest. Not long afterward, he did break 100 for the first time, which was a vast improvement over prior scores.
IOW, tell him, in the most offensive terms you can come up with, that he looks terrible. Just smile when you say it.
Since I would expect a friend to help me out in the same way, of course I'm going to tell him. The question is when. Obviously it will be out of public earshot. If it's a problem that can be corrected easily and quickly I'll tell him right then and there. But if nothing can be done till he gets home there's no point in telling him immediately, it's just going to crank up his anxiety level the rest of the day. And I agree with CuffDaddy, keep it light-hearted and don't treat it like it's the end of the world. Because.....well.....it isn't.
No . . .
. . . unless it was just something careless or unnoticed, like the label mentioned above or collar awry. Something you can help with that has been missed.
Calling attention to mismatched socks or (!) shoes (see United Airlines TV commercial: ), criticizing a matching-set tie and pocket square combo, or saying that the lapels aren't in the current mode is catty.
. . . unless it was just something careless or unnoticed, like the label mentioned above or collar awry. Something you can help with that has been missed.
Calling attention to mismatched socks or (!) shoes (see United Airlines TV commercial: ), criticizing a matching-set tie and pocket square combo, or saying that the lapels aren't in the current mode is catty.
It would be interesting to know why he insists on doing it. Has GQ been touting this new sartorial quirk?
I have and would, in the future, tell them but, only in the most discreet, kindest way possible. Humiliation will always lead to the rejection of your counsel! 
Who cares? Get some perspective. What's more important--a friend or your sense of etiquette?
Embrace diversity! You might learn something.
Embrace diversity! You might learn something.
Once, at the pre-prandial drinks for a black-tie dinner a friend was hosting, someone dressed in a lounge suit wandered in and spoke to one of the staff. Not recognising him, and assuming he'd just blundered into the room, I made a joking comment about him being woefully underdressed.
Of course as it turned out he was a last-minute guest who didn't possess a DJ but had made an effort with a dark suit. Naturally I felt quite guilty and endured a fair bit of ribbing from my friends. There's no need to be rude, especially when the recipient of your opprobrium already stands out like a sore thumb.
As for friends, the best way to approach it is along the lines of "that's a really nice jacket, but it looks better to undo the bottom button" or "that shirt suits you, now please put on some trousers".
Of course as it turned out he was a last-minute guest who didn't possess a DJ but had made an effort with a dark suit. Naturally I felt quite guilty and endured a fair bit of ribbing from my friends. There's no need to be rude, especially when the recipient of your opprobrium already stands out like a sore thumb.
As for friends, the best way to approach it is along the lines of "that's a really nice jacket, but it looks better to undo the bottom button" or "that shirt suits you, now please put on some trousers".
I have a friend I work with who has recently lost a lot of weight (over 150lb) and has sunsequently made an effort to dress better. I constantly remind him to get to a tailor to have his pants hemmed to a proper length (they're too long) and to tuck in his damn shirt (I explained that when its untucked he looks bigger than he really is as the shirt blouses). He still insists on wearing his trousers very low on his waist as he insists its just "more comfortable" so I leave him alone about that.
Having said that, he's a good friend, and I'd never do it in front of anyone else, and I do it in a humorous way (unless after weeks of me reminding him he still doesn't-the pants being hemmed) then I still do it privately but more seriously. I'd say something like, "Dude, you've done so well to make yourself look great losing so much weight and buying nicer clothing and you go ahead and dress like a slob in it!" I'd never embarrass him publically as I'm quite proud of what he's accomplished and wouldn't want to jeopardize our friendship.
Having said that, he's a good friend, and I'd never do it in front of anyone else, and I do it in a humorous way (unless after weeks of me reminding him he still doesn't-the pants being hemmed) then I still do it privately but more seriously. I'd say something like, "Dude, you've done so well to make yourself look great losing so much weight and buying nicer clothing and you go ahead and dress like a slob in it!" I'd never embarrass him publically as I'm quite proud of what he's accomplished and wouldn't want to jeopardize our friendship.
There are two kinds of "friends who dress badly"
1. Those whose style you dont agree with
2. Those who have no style i.e. dont care how they dress
Over the years I have been both. I am sure I am still #1 to many.
In the case of #1, I simply compliment them when they wear something I actually like
In the case of #2, I offer to take them shopping, or buy them a few thrift store finds as gifts. "What is your suit size" says a lot without sounding hurtful.
1. Those whose style you dont agree with
2. Those who have no style i.e. dont care how they dress
Over the years I have been both. I am sure I am still #1 to many.
In the case of #1, I simply compliment them when they wear something I actually like
In the case of #2, I offer to take them shopping, or buy them a few thrift store finds as gifts. "What is your suit size" says a lot without sounding hurtful.
If it's a boyhood friend, then I wouldn't, just because it wouldn't have been a problem in the past, and it would seem strange to bring it up now. The friend might think the criticism is out of the blue. I have a friend who dresses really bad, but I don't say anything, because we've known each other for so long. I must admit I have to dress down quite a bit whenever we hang out, and he does embarrass me in public. If it is a new acquaintance, however, then perhaps you can tell them something in a way that would resonate in that individual. Of course one can't make another change, but a nice nudge always helps.
Completely agree.
My best friend is about 6 years younger than me, and I have taken to trying to be a guide with the small bits of sartorial knowledge I have accumulated.
I always order two copies of the Big Black Book, got him a subscription to GQ for Christmas, and have taken him to a few trunk sales and introduced him to Allen Edmonds and my tailor.
In his case, or a few others that I am very close with - I would tell him to unbutton his bottom button in a joking way, or just walk by and do it for him. In the case of a friend from work or someone that is not as close to me, I would probably mention it later, or not at all.
Only when it's us alone at some point or we're with a very small group of people we know very well. I use as few words as possible. With the example of the bottom button, I undo it, nod my head and give a thumbs up. No words needed.
If it's something that he can't change immediately, I don't bother saying anything at all because he might become obsessive about it instead of having a great time. In the end it's not about the clothes--it's about the company.
If it's something that he can't change immediately, I don't bother saying anything at all because he might become obsessive about it instead of having a great time. In the end it's not about the clothes--it's about the company.
Attraction rather than promotion is the best policy
Consider this. I have a colleague in Europe. After several years of experience I have found him to be one of the brightest people I know and would not hesitate to ask his advice on a business matter and we are on very good terms with each other.
He wears nice clothes and he ties his tie with a double windsor. The knot is way too big for his frame and head. A lot of his peers wear a double windsor that is too big. He is doing as he sees. I've considered telling him to try another knot.
I came to the conclusion that when he decides I am an expert on dressing and asks my advice, then I will tell him my opinion. Until then I will simply dress well for my own satisfaction leave others be.
Consider this. I have a colleague in Europe. After several years of experience I have found him to be one of the brightest people I know and would not hesitate to ask his advice on a business matter and we are on very good terms with each other.
He wears nice clothes and he ties his tie with a double windsor. The knot is way too big for his frame and head. A lot of his peers wear a double windsor that is too big. He is doing as he sees. I've considered telling him to try another knot.
I came to the conclusion that when he decides I am an expert on dressing and asks my advice, then I will tell him my opinion. Until then I will simply dress well for my own satisfaction leave others be.
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