[dfloyd]

Selecting a friend because of their attire....

is the worst possible reason. And criticizing someone elses dress shows a juvenile ossesivenes to uphold a narcisstic tendency.

 

[mt_spiffy]

There are two kinds of "friends who dress badly"

1. Those whose style you dont agree with
2. Those who have no style i.e. dont care how they dress

Over the years I have been both. I am sure I am still #1 to many.

In the case of #1, I simply compliment them when they wear something I actually like

In the case of #2, I offer to take them shopping, or buy them a few thrift store finds as gifts. "What is your suit size" says a lot without sounding hurtful.

 

[Scoundrel]

I'm curious to see how forum members would handle a situation where a friend shows up to a dinner, meeting, or some other event and is either dressed improperly or has committed a sartorial blunder. I have a friend that always fastens the bottom button on his suits - even though he has been told that isn't proper.

If it's a boyhood friend, then I wouldn't, just because it wouldn't have been a problem in the past, and it would seem strange to bring it up now. The friend might think the criticism is out of the blue. I have a friend who dresses really bad, but I don't say anything, because we've known each other for so long. I must admit I have to dress down quite a bit whenever we hang out, and he does embarrass me in public. If it is a new acquaintance, however, then perhaps you can tell them something in a way that would resonate in that individual. Of course one can't make another change, but a nice nudge always helps.

 

[mrkleen]

It will depend on the closeness of relationship to the friend in question.

Completely agree.

My best friend is about 6 years younger than me, and I have taken to trying to be a guide with the small bits of sartorial knowledge I have accumulated.

I always order two copies of the Big Black Book, got him a subscription to GQ for Christmas, and have taken him to a few trunk sales and introduced him to Allen Edmonds and my tailor.

In his case, or a few others that I am very close with - I would tell him to unbutton his bottom button in a joking way, or just walk by and do it for him. In the case of a friend from work or someone that is not as close to me, I would probably mention it later, or not at all.

 

[SOhp101]

Only when it's us alone at some point or we're with a very small group of people we know very well. I use as few words as possible. With the example of the bottom button, I undo it, nod my head and give a thumbs up. No words needed.

If it's something that he can't change immediately, I don't bother saying anything at all because he might become obsessive about it instead of having a great time. In the end it's not about the clothes--it's about the company.

 

[lizardking]

Attraction rather than promotion is the best policy

Consider this. I have a colleague in Europe. After several years of experience I have found him to be one of the brightest people I know and would not hesitate to ask his advice on a business matter and we are on very good terms with each other.

He wears nice clothes and he ties his tie with a double windsor. The knot is way too big for his frame and head. A lot of his peers wear a double windsor that is too big. He is doing as he sees. I've considered telling him to try another knot.

I came to the conclusion that when he decides I am an expert on dressing and asks my advice, then I will tell him my opinion. Until then I will simply dress well for my own satisfaction leave others be.

 

[T1Million]

I'm curious to see how forum members would handle a situation where a friend shows up to a dinner, meeting, or some other event and is either dressed improperly or has committed a sartorial blunder. I have a friend that always fastens the bottom button on his suits - even though he has been told that isn't proper.

I always tell them to unbutton that erm.... button.

 

[Acct2000]

If it really detracts from the appearance in a way that will really cause others to say something negative about him behind their back, maybe if the moment is right and the relationship is close enough. (In other words, almost never.)

The things that bother many who post here will not be noticed by 98 to 99% of the general public. Being seen as a clothing-nit-picker who hassles others is a lot more likely to cause me problems socially than any clothing problem someone I know might have.

If an employee is possibly going to embarrass my company socially at a business (not business-social) event, I might say something, but right now, I only have part time employees who do not attend these events.

A truly close friend who might actually care about my advice - that person I might say something to. Otherwise, it's probably best to just follow the "Can't we all just get along" advice.

Obviously, if someone asks your opinion, then it is okay to offer it (with the idea that it is more likely to be accepted if offered tactfully.)

 

[Acct2000]

Boy, I hope those of you who unbutton other peoples' buttons really know those people well. Otherwise, that's quite an invasion of someone else's space.

Rudeness is a far worse sin than any sartorial misstep.

 

[upr_crust]

I would be honest if my advice were solicited . . .

. . . and might straighten out someone's tie if it were unintentionally askew, but it would take a fairly strong friendship, or the sense that someone would welcome the advice in order for me to tell him that he didn't "look good" (whatever that abstraction may be . . .) .

 

[Blueboy1938]

I wouldn't presume . . .

Only when it's us alone at some point or we're with a very small group of people we know very well. I use as few words as possible. With the example of the bottom button, I undo it, nod my head and give a thumbs up. No words needed.

If it's something that he can't change immediately, I don't bother saying anything at all because he might become obsessive about it instead of having a great time. In the end it's not about the clothes--it's about the company.

. . . to unbutton anyone's bottom coat button, ever! Do you realize where that button is located relative to a male human's anatomy? I don't care how good a friend it is. I might mention it, but I'm not going to reach my hand in that direction for any reason, and don't try it with me. Not in public. Not in private. Not ever, thank you very muchic12337:

 

[Cruiser]

If I have a friend who truly looks bad such as the aforementioned tag left on the jacket sleeve, of course I'm going to say something. A buttoned bottom button does not fall into this category, especially since this has been brought up to him in the past. Who am I to tell him he shouldn't button the bottom button? Maybe he wants it buttoned. It's his jacket and his button.

I suspect that a clothing enthusiast who runs around nit picking his friend's clothing soon won't have many friends to nit pick.

Cruiser

 

[Fashion K]

Well, if you have to said something, do it gently. You can't ruin a friendship because of that...

 

[Jovan]

Only if they ask me will I say something. With my closest friends I'm a little more candid, but they know I don't mean to insult. I tend to point people to better sources than I am in any case, such as Ask Andy's articles or Black Tie Guide, to name a couple.

 

[eagle2250]

Boy, I hope those of you who unbutton other peoples' buttons really know those people well. Otherwise, that's quite an invasion of someone else's space.

Rudeness is a far worse sin than any sartorial misstep.

+1. In the military, when conducting pre-inspections of an honor guard unit I was in and when inclined to make an adjustment in a members uniform, the procedure was to first request "permission to touch" and the team members response was, "permission granted." The adjustment was made only(!) after permission was granted. This approach prevented a few minor injuries (to me)...methinks!

 

[DuMont]

I wouldn't tell him. I'd just drop the friendship and if he was curious enough to inquire about the reasons maybe I'd let him know but probably just move an and replace him with a better-dressed friend.

This is an inane comment, and a petulent childlike way to live. He is better off without you!

i would simply tell them, that from my understanding, that the accepted practice is to not button the bottom button. It may seem a little silly, but some people pay attention to these kinds of things, as they tend to "signal" one's level of understanding, social awareness, maybe even upward potential. I know you are a great guy, and I'd hate to have people think less of you because you didn't get the button memo.

Include what you want for the other person, and the useful information. It is hard to argue with being more successful and appearing more intelligent, graceful, etc. If you don't know what you want FOR them, consider holding your tongue.

 

[Jovan]

DuMont, he was quite obviously kidding.

 

[flatline]

Everything is relative. It really depends on the closeness of the friend and the gravity of the mistake. I have a very close friend in the office who constantly complains that I dress 'better' than him despite him earning more than me. A month or two ago, I caught him wearing the same shirt three (3!) days in a row with 2 different ties. In private, I called him on it and he confessed that he didn't want to do laundry/ironing. I also mock his shoes, as he has one pair that he has been wearing for 10 years (since high school) and I do not think they have ever been polished.

I am not the type of person to publicly berate someone about a style faux pas unless it is of the First Degree (grave and premeditated). I do not think I would ever take someone I consider a friend to task except in private/the company of other friends.

 

[TheEarl]

I went to a convention the last two years. Last year was before I had discovered AAAC, and I only owned one cheap, poorly-tailored, ill-fitting suit from Burlington Coat Factory, some clunky shoes, a paper-thin tie, and a cheap, wrinkly shirt. My girlfriend showed an acquaintance of hers the picture from last year's convention and this year's. Her friend replied, "wow, he learned to wear a suit!"

I'd worn that old suit to a couple occasions before then, and I really wish someone had said something to me then about how bad I looked (and offered advice about how to make it better).

At the same time, I occasionally see a friend wearing a black suit in the morning with a coarse button-down shirt, a flimsy tie, and worn-out, unpolished, duck-bill shoes, and I just don't have the heart to say anything.

 

[Relayer]

If he's a friend, just tell him frankly. Mock him, if necessary. It's for his own good.