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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am due to attend a wedding next Friday. Unfortunately my other half and I are going through some difficulties and she has firmly decided that she will not be going to this wedding with me. In fairness to her, the maid of honour is my ex (we went out for 5 years), however, myself and herself have been going out for a year of mostly very good times.

Ideally I would like to phone my friend the groom as soon as possible so that they can change whatever table settings etc. to suit. I'm unsure of the etiquette here - is it poor form to invite somebody else as my guest? (the invite was to me + guest, however, I responded with my name + her name)

A friend of mine said last night that the only thing to do is to fly solo. I'm thinking he's probably right but would like to know if I at least have the option of inviting a good female friend to have on my arm.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for both replies. I would prefer by far to invite somebody else, however, I would definitely pass it by the groom first (he's an old friend and would tell me straight either way).

Either way I reckon I'm snookered :)
 

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The bride has enough to worry about this week. They are not going to change the seating chart for you and they have most likely already paid for your meal. Bring someone else (and make sure that she is hot enough to make it worthwhile for the s***Storm that your current partner is sure to raise!) :devil:
 

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Making a phone call to the hostess does this?
Yes. She has many other, more important things on her mind. And what is she supposed to do? Worry about whether saying no will offend one of the groom's best friends?

Perhaps, however, as the father of an about-to-be bride, I'm over-reacting to someone we invited individually asking -- through his/her parent -- whether we also would invite his/her girl/boyfriend.
 

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Perhaps, however, as the father of an about-to-be bride, I'm over-reacting to someone we invited individually asking -- through his/her parent -- whether we also would invite his/her girl/boyfriend.
If two people are known to be a couple, it's considered improper to only invite one of them. If you don't know them to be a couple, then only inviting the one you know isn't improper, but it sounds like the parent thinks the relationship is sufficiently stable, so it would probably be best to let the other person come.

As to the original question, an empty seat is going to advertise that someone chose not to come after saying they would. And there's no rule that the person has to be a "date." It could be a male friend who knows the couple, but doesn't feel slighted for not having been invited in the first place.
 

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It could be a male friend who knows the couple, but doesn't feel slighted for not having been invited in the first place.
I was about to say your advice in this thread to this point, was right on - until this last comment.

If I made a list of "friends" to invite to my wedding and choose to leave someone off my list....and they showed up as the guest of someone else, I would not be very happy about it. If I wanted that person there...i would have invited them personally.

When I invite you + a guest, I assume that guest is your date, wife, girlfriend etc. Not some other random mutual friend that you invited last minute to fill in for your "guest".
 

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Yes. She has many other, more important things on her mind. And what is she supposed to do? Worry about whether saying no will offend one of the groom's best friends?

Perhaps, however, as the father of an about-to-be bride, I'm over-reacting to someone we invited individually asking -- through his/her parent -- whether we also would invite his/her girl/boyfriend.
None the less, calling the hostess when a guest has any question or confusion is the conventional etiquette. Otherwise, the change in the guest list would be a surprise.
 

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If two people are known to be a couple, it's considered improper to only invite one of them. If you don't know them to be a couple, then only inviting the one you know isn't improper, but it sounds like the parent thinks the relationship is sufficiently stable, so it would probably be best to let the other person come.
That's well and good, but the venue has a hard cap on numbers. We can't, and don't want to, not invite our relation. Yet, until we see how many invitees rsvp negatively, we can't put the boy/girfriend ahead of the people we have invited. Of course, space permitting, we'll extend an invitation.
 

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That's well and good, but the venue has a hard cap on numbers. We can't, and don't want to, not invite our relation. Yet, until we see how many invitees rsvp negatively, we can't put the boy/girfriend ahead of the people we have invited. Of course, space permitting, we'll extend an invitation.
Then I'd be evasive until you know one way or another. While the practical considerations are certainly valid, from an etiquette perspective you can't tell them "we'll have to see if there's a space."
 

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I was about to say your advice in this thread to this point, was right on - until this last comment.

If I made a list of "friends" to invite to my wedding and choose to leave someone off my list....and they showed up as the guest of someone else, I would not be very happy about it. If I wanted that person there...i would have invited them personally.

When I invite you + a guest, I assume that guest is your date, wife, girlfriend etc. Not some other random mutual friend that you invited last minute to fill in for your "guest".
I'm basing this statement on the repeated view that the OP does NOT want to contact the bride to inform her of the change of plans.

Wedding etiquette is often clouded by the mercenary attitude that the whole thing is about an expensive formal dinner, rather than sharing the joy of a couple being married. If two people are invited, and two people accept, but only one person shows up, there's a meal purchased and a seat taken that's wasted. I think that if one is adamant about not letting them know in advance that only one person is coming, then one should bring someone appropriate as an escort.
 

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I'm basing this statement on the repeated view that the OP does NOT want to contact the bride to inform her of the change of plans.

Wedding etiquette is often clouded by the mercenary attitude that the whole thing is about an expensive formal dinner, rather than sharing the joy of a couple being married. If two people are invited, and two people accept, but only one person shows up, there's a meal purchased and a seat taken that's wasted. I think that if one is adamant about not letting them know in advance that only one person is coming, then one should bring someone appropriate as an escort.
Right, and replacing your girlfriend or wife with someone that is a mutual friend of yours and the couple, but that they choose to leave OFF their list, is the worst possible idea.
 
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