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So my sister is getting married in May. The wedding is at a "beach foundation" in Annapolis. Think of the venue as part cutting edge environmental research think tank, part lobby (as in Washington DC, not the foier), and part classy beach-side event hall. I'd say the overall tone of the event will be relaxed but in a classy manner with white table catering, top-shelf bar, jazz ensemble, and a quasi intimate crowd of about 120.

The groom and the groomsmen will all wear identical navy suits. They will all wear white spread collar shirts and regimental style repp ties - all of the groomsmen will wear navy and turquoise ties; the groom will wear a navy and yellow tie.

My brother and I are to be the ushers. The current plan (all of this has so far been dictated by my sister BTW) is for us to wear blazers and British tan gabs. We will most likely wear shirts that match the groomsmen and my sister has picked out #1 stripe repp ties in colors that echo the groom - navy with yellow and white stripes.

While I certainly don't think the attire is a mess, I'm hung-up on the fact that as ushers, my brother and I won't wear suits as all of the "official" male wedding party members will. I can understand that we have different roles than they do, but I would think this should call for different color suits (khaki poplin, mid-grey maybe) - NOT odd jackets and trousers. I told my sister that if she is going to spit in the face of proper convention by making us wear clothes that don't match the other wedding participants, we might as well go all the way and wear bow-ties. I think this would ensure that our odd jacket ensembles come across as a completely intentional choice rather than a coincidence.

Any thoughts - I always thought that the general rule was for either everyone to wear a suit, or everyone to wear odd jackets. Not to mix.
 

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You already told her you'd prefer to be wearing a suit. I agree that you might look out of place if EVERYONE else including guests is wearing suits.

However, if my brother wanted me to wear a denim tuxedo to his wedding, or a notch lapel rental with matching tie and vest, I would. It's her and her fiance's time to call the shots.
 

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I agree with you. I mean, let's say she wasn't your sister and you weren't in the wedding party. Even as just a regular guest, you would still wear a suit, right? I've always worn a suit to every wedding I've ever been to. So why would you dress the ushers down? I have 2 older sisters and if I was in this situation, I would talk to my sister and politely tell her how I feel.

That being said, what your sister wants, she should get. It is after all, her wedding day. So if she doesn't respond in a good way, then I would let it go.
 

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All you can do is voice your opinion and why you think so... and hope it makes an impression.
 

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Odd jacket and trousers, though, might not be out of place if it's a casual wedding.

What stuck out, though, is that she is specifying everyone wear spread collars. Those who are heavy set with round faces may look ridiculous. No reason to require everyone wear the same shirt, so long as everyone wears white shirts that do not have button down collars.
 

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It's her wedding and a few hours out of your life. Unless someone who posts on this board attends the wedding, no one will even worry about spread collars not being the best for someone or that you are wearing a sport jacket instead of a suit.

Even if they do notice, it's her wedding.
 

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Same reply as to the version of this posted elsewhere by the OP.

I would agree that this seems pretty terrible not to say daft. However the custom on these occasions is for the bride to rule the roost - and for some present for evermore shalt be the custom.
 

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I would second those who point out that this is obviously an informal wedding, so why get worked up over this? It sounds as if the ensembles you are asked to wear are in good taste. I wouldn't see a blazer and tan gabardines as being much lower on the formality scale than the khaki poplin suit you propose as an alternative. Console yourself with the fact that a very large portion of the populace are a bit dim about the distinction between a coat-and-tie ensemble such as you are asked to wear and a proper suit anyway.

I would second the remarks that the spread collar requirement seems unnecessary, but otherwise the attire for your sister's wedding sounds a great deal more tasteful than the vast majority of those I have attended.
 

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I would second those who point out that this is obviously an informal wedding, so why get worked up over this? It sounds as if the ensembles you are asked to wear are in good taste. I wouldn't see a blazer and tan gabardines as being much lower on the formality scale than the khaki poplin suit you propose as an alternative. Console yourself with the fact that a very large portion of the populace are a bit dim about the distinction between a coat-and-tie ensemble such as you are asked to wear and a proper suit anyway.

I would second the remarks that the spread collar requirement seems unnecessary, but otherwise the attire for your sister's wedding sounds a great deal more tasteful than the vast majority of those I have attended.
Well, anyone posting on AAAC should absolutely HATE the prospect of using the "....large portion of the populace" as a reference point. I am going to go the other way on this. Since most weddings have the groomsmen act as ushers anyway, why not dress the ushers in the same blue suits? Am I missing something in the protocol? Ushers of the World, unite and rise up! Bill :icon_smile_wink:
p.s. a Paul Stuart shirt counter person talked me into the only spread collar shirt that I own, and I abhor it.
 

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Phooey. Just 'cause it's "Their Special Day" doesn't mean they can have a free-for-all. I get tired of hearing that. I've put my foot down more than once and won. It's the technique of gracious descent that has to be mastered. Now if I had only learned that part....
 

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Only if they are hateful snobs...
'Tis not the point. Posters on AAAC aspire to excellence, however that may be defined. Otherwise, this would all be a huge waste of energy. While I don't disparage the masses, I think you'll agree that they don't define excellence. Even for this seemingly casual wedding, posters are indicating that the jacket-and-slacks combo is not up to par. I agree, and I'm not worked up at all.
 

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'Tis not the point. Posters on AAAC aspire to excellence, however that may be defined. Otherwise, this would all be a huge waste of energy. While I don't disparage the masses, I think you'll agree that they don't define excellence. Even for this seemingly casual wedding, posters are indicating that the jacket-and-slacks combo is not up to par. I agree, and I'm not worked up at all.
Actually, eyedoc, my "hateful snobs" comment was just a bit of insider humor.
 

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Seems to be there are two types of wedding attire--(i) classic formal and (ii)whatever the bride or her mother want. Brides are under so much pressure at weddings, you should go with the flow, enjoy the reception and let your sister have her way.
 

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The bride is always right. In this case what she wants, while not up to the ideal to which many forumites aspire, actually sounds OK. But, even if it didn't, the proper course of action would be to accede to her wishes.

If she hasn't specified foot wear (dreadful horse bit tassel loafers, for instance), you can wear something special.

I don't think anyone has mentioned pocket squares. Under the circumstances, I would suggest not wearing one unless it is part of the prescribed get up.

Enjoy the party.

Regards,

Gurdon
 
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