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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
To my utter embarrassment, it only in the past few years or so that I have begun to conscientiously send thank you notes to those who invite me to dinner, or some other event, or send me a gift. Now, I was not totally lacking in gratitude, I would say "thank you" to person when I saw them, or even at the time of a social occasion, but I never did the follow up gesture. Now I do. I hope in the time I have remaining that I do a good job, and make up for my past lack of consideration.

I don't think I have been entirely unique in this, and I have the impression that some men believe that sending thank you notes is something women do, but not men. I think this is wrong, and that everyone should do so when appropriate.
 

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I send thank-you notes whenever it's appropriate, and I don't always follow the rule that one is not necessary for a gift presented in person. I still like to follow up a week later letting them know how much I enjoy it.

I have the impression that some men believe that sending thank you notes is something women do, but not men.
Do you mean that they find thank-you notes "girly" and inappropriate, or that they think it's their wife's job to do it?

Traditionally, the wife writes social correspondence sent as a couple. If Bob and Peggy get invited to dinner, or get an anniversary present, Peggy writes the note and signs it "Bob and Peggy." If Bob gets invited on a fishing trip, or gets a gift that's just for him, he writes his own note.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 · (Edited)
I send thank-you notes whenever it's appropriate, and I don't always follow the rule that one is not necessary for a gift presented in person. I still like to follow up a week later letting them know how much I enjoy it.

Do you mean that they find thank-you notes "girly" and inappropriate, or that they think it's their wife's job to do it?

Traditionally, the wife writes social correspondence sent as a couple. If Bob and Peggy get invited to dinner, or get an anniversary present, Peggy writes the note and signs it "Bob and Peggy." If Bob gets invited on a fishing trip, or gets a gift that's just for him, he writes his own note.
My impression is that most guys just don't send thank you notes, and that it is something women/girls might do but men just don't take the time to sit down and write a handwritten notes to anyone. Maybe they would send an email or text message, but not a note or a letter.

Too old fashioned, and something a woman would do but "weird" if a guy did it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
It's never too late to start! Curious though, why the change of heart? What helped you come to the conclusion to start doing so?
Tom
Very simple, I got married, and my wife is very good at thank you notes, and I decided to start doing it for little gestures and kindnesses to me. Now I am very scrupulous about sending notes without prompting of any kind.

Joe
 

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As an aside, it is interesting to note how many applicants receive a job offer simply because they were one of the few who knew enough to write a thank you note to the interviewer.
At one of my previous jobs, I would often be called in as part of a panel interview team. I'm sure the managers who did the one-on-ones got more notes, but the ones that sent them to me always seemed to be the ones that were obviously out of their league and trying for anything they could to have an edge on the competition.
 

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I have sent thank you notes and letters to individuals and they appreciated them of course. Putting pen on paper has more impact not only to the addressed individual but to those such as his family. E-mail loses this type of impact because I feel it isn't as shared. While with a letter it is easier to pass to others to read and also looks more presentable and classy. I image one getting a letter and passing it off to ones wife after it is read. While e-mail is usually just spoken about and rarely printed out and presented. If one would even do this with e-mail it still loses its impact.
 

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In my experience every hand-written note is appreciated, however short, as long as it is sincere. Genuine mail (not bills or advertisements) is so scarce now that adults often experience the same excitement I remember as a child in anticipation of a personal letter.

pbc
 

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I have started writing hand written thank you notes for invitations to cocktail parties and presents. Really it started for me with writing thank you notes for wedding presents, and it finally dawned on me what a considerate and smart idea it was.
 

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Both my wife and I send thank you notes and we taught our son to send them also. We all have our own engraved paper. Our son found out when he was quite young the more he wrote thank you notes the more people remember him at birthdays and Christmas. If my wife and I are invited to function she will write and mail the thank you note when we arrive home.
 

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If my wife and I are invited to function she will write and mail the thank you note when we arrive home.
While what you do is proper, this reminded me of a Miss Manners letter, where the writer said that she gave gifts to a friend's two children, who sat down and wrote thank you notes and handed them to her.

Miss Manners was aghast. Or as aghast as one can be, when one is Miss Manners. Thank-you notes are not required for gifts given in person, and presenting it so quickly isn't a thank-you note, but a receipt.
 

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I started writing thank you notes as a form of gratitude...I regret I hadn’t been in the practice prior or I had an admin send a note or flowers.

After I was feeling abused by a young couple about their wedding – he was clueless about buying a suit so I took him shopping when he announced that he didn’t have any money – there was a mumble about repaying me which didn’t happen. Post wedding and dinner in Vegas the young couple didn’t have plans but guest stood looking for something so I ended up hosting an after wedding reception at a club at a VIP section…several thousand dollar bottles later it was a memorable evening. The costs associated won’t break me but it was irritated me that a thank you was never offered or arrived for any of the above which also included a very nice gift.

Then I started thinking about all the kindness that fallen my way over the years and how I didn’t send a thank you…and how it was silly that I was irritated. Then I started to write thank you notes and I found myself grateful for what I had received. I have a large basket of notes that I put by the bed – I toss addresses and invites in it to respond to. On Sunday mornings I have tea in bed before brunch and I send notes for the courtesy shown me the prior week and the events that happened and are upcoming. It is a way to remember the good things that happened…a form of gratitude and appreciation for me. It has become a spiritual thing for me if I might say.
 

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The costs associated won't break me but it was irritated me that a thank you was never offered or arrived for any of the above which also included a very nice gift.
I was the best man at a wedding last year where the couple was broke, but the bride thought that through her own hard work and the overly generous support of her friends, she could pull off a more elaborate ceremony and reception than she really could.

By the time it was all over, the officiant (a prominent judge), the pianist (a well-known entertainer), the best man, and the maid of honor were all severely irritated by her bossiness, lack of gratitude, and her being forty-five minutes late. The maid of honor has not been heard from since. The others all forgave her, mainly due to a very sincere thank-you note.
 

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Good points about the receiving end of thank you notes. When I give something, I try to really let go. Yes, I might let a few ties linger, but if I really let it go, give it completely, then I won't get bothered by the recipient's response (or lack of). As a result, I rarely lend for the long term, I'd rather give it. If I want any conditions, I try to have them taken care of before the item/service changes hands. I also try to be more openly thankful lest I commit the sin of ingratitude.
 

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At one of my previous jobs, I would often be called in as part of a panel interview team. I'm sure the managers who did the one-on-ones got more notes, but the ones that sent them to me always seemed to be the ones that were obviously out of their league and trying for anything they could to have an edge on the competition.
Interesting. All the interviewing tips say over and over again to send the notes. I'd send them when the interviewer gave me a business card. Always wondered how often they were sent.
 

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Interesting. All the interviewing tips say over and over again to send the notes. I'd send them when the interviewer gave me a business card. Always wondered how often they were sent.
We had three open positions, and we probably interviewed a dozen people for each one. I got maybe four thank-you notes, and they were all from people that we ruled out completely in the debriefing as soon as they left.
 
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