[jackmccullough]

+1. His bride might notice, but it's not that big a deal even if she does. And you could always tell a white lie that the store forgot to include them in your bag or that they didn't fit or something like that.

You don't even need to tell a white lie. Just tell the rental shop that you don't want their plastic shoes, and then if anyone asks you can just say that you didn't get any.

 

[deanayer]

Start laying the groundwork now by talking about your pretend "bunion" and after a week say you ordered some orthotic shoes, then just show up in your PAs and claim they are prescription footwear.

 

[jackmccullough]

Probably the most important point is that the shoes won't stand out in any group photos, unlike the other design elements.

 

[PJC in NoVa]

I wear well-polished plain-cap oxfords with black tie all the time.

They should be your choice once you discover that the plastic shoes from the rental place don't fit.

 

[Blueboy1938]

Andy sez

"Shoes
Patent leather slip-ons are the most traditional, but oxfords (lace up) are fine, especially in an emergency. If you're going to wear oxfords, the best choice would be a plain toe or cap toe. These are not work shoes!!! No wing tips or loafers, or any other style that might be considered business shoes. The oxford shoe can be shined as you would any dressy shoe." From EOMC's Formalwear discussion.

 

[David V]

I'm not a fan of PAs with a dinner jacket but what your going to wear does not fall into that category so go ahead and do it.

Just tell the groom you have foot issues and will be wearing your own shoes. So what if the issue is you don't like his choice.

 

[Cruiser]

I'm really surprised, or maybe I'm not, at the number of suggestions that are being offered to avoid complying with the wishes of the bride and groom. All of them, beyond merely asking for permission and accepting the answer given, involve manipulating the truth so it doesn't look like what it is, a lie.

Would you guys be as forgiving if the situation was reversed and someone did this to you because they thought it was in some way better than what you wanted? What if your Best Man substituted those ugly square toed shoes for the "proper" shoes that you asked him to wear and didn't tell you he was going to do it? Or made up some story to cover for his deception? It's the same thing that some are suggesting.

If you don't want to be a part of it, then don't. But if you do and tell your friend that you will, be a friend he can trust and go along with his requests even if it isn't what you would do if it was your wedding. As important as some think clothing choices are, there are some things in life that are more important; like friendship, relationships, honesty, trust.

Just a thought.

Cruiser

 

[clfrucel]

I'm really surprised, or maybe I'm not, at the number of suggestions that are being offered to avoid complying with the wishes of the bride and groom. All of them, beyond merely asking for permission and accepting the answer given, involve manipulating the truth so it doesn't look like what it is, a lie.

Would you guys be as forgiving if the situation was reversed and someone did this to you because they thought it was in some way better than what you wanted? What if your Best Man substituted those ugly square toed shoes for the "proper" shoes that you asked him to wear and didn't tell you he was going to do it? Or made up some story to cover for his deception? It's the same thing that some are suggesting.

If you don't want to be a part of it, then don't. But if you do and tell your friend that you will, be a friend he can trust and go along with his requests even if it isn't what you would do if it was your wedding. As important as some think clothing choices are, there are some things in life that are more important; like friendship, relationships, honesty, trust.

Just a thought.

Cruiser

Agreed. It is his wedding and I'll go along with whatever he and his bride choose. No story...no lies, I'll just simply say that I would prefer to wear the shoes that I have, but if they have any issue with it then I'll stick with what they chose.

I have known both of them for a long time, and based on the outfit that he chose, I would only ask on the assumption that they wouldn't have a problem with it. If they do, I'll just withdraw the request.

 

[ottawa_adam]

I'm really surprised, or maybe I'm not, at the number of suggestions that are being offered to avoid complying with the wishes of the bride and groom. All of them, beyond merely asking for permission and accepting the answer given, involve manipulating the truth so it doesn't look like what it is, a lie.

Would you guys be as forgiving if the situation was reversed and someone did this to you because they thought it was in some way better than what you wanted? What if your Best Man substituted those ugly square toed shoes for the "proper" shoes that you asked him to wear and didn't tell you he was going to do it? Or made up some story to cover for his deception? It's the same thing that some are suggesting.

If you don't want to be a part of it, then don't. But if you do and tell your friend that you will, be a friend he can trust and go along with his requests even if it isn't what you would do if it was your wedding. As important as some think clothing choices are, there are some things in life that are more important; like friendship, relationships, honesty, trust.

Just a thought.

Cruiser

I wouldn't make my friends look like clowns. I would want them to be properly attired. Plus, far too much focus is placed on these matters at weddings. Afterall, isn't a wedding about celebrating a union and not which shoes the groomen will be wearing?

 

[Orsini]

If there is a "uniform of the day" specified then you really should comply with whatever it is, like it or not...

Otherwise, a non-captoe bal oxford (Copley-type) would be good. If that is not possible, very shiny black leather sole derbys or patent GI low quarters would still be better than cap-toes. There are also some non-captoe dancing shoes that might do. They seem to be cheaper and would also be good for dancing.

 

[Orsini]

I wouldn't make my friends look like clowns. I would want them to be properly attired. Plus, far too much focus is placed on these matters at weddings. Afterall, isn't a wedding about celebrating a union and not which shoes the groomen will be wearing?

The wedding is a big, big, big deal for the bride and her mother. If you deviate and they notice, they will mark -- and remember. The opinions of the guests are not relevant. You are obligated to wear whatever is specified no matter how sartorially incorrect is may be. If the dress code is a GI blanket and boondockers, put 'em on and smile...

 

[mrkleen]

The wedding is a big, big, big deal for the bride and her mother. If you deviate and they notice, they will mark -- and remember. The opinions of the guests are not relevant. You are obligated to wear whatever is specified no matter how sartorially incorrect is may be. If the dress code is a GI blanket and boondockers, put 'em on and smile...

Completely agree. You are being very selfish and self centered if you deviate from the rest of the wedding party. Wear what the bride picks out or dont participate in the wedding party.

 

[JLibourel]

If they're making you wear that clown outfit, I'm sure no one would notice inappropriate shoes either. I'm willing to bet this is a daytime wedding as well?

Precisely my sentiments as well. PAs and similar captoe bals with an otherwise proper black tie ensemble are definitely a second- or third-rate touch. In this case, who cares?

 

[Cruiser]

I wouldn't make my friends look like clowns. I would want them to be properly attired.

But keep in mind that not only isn't it your wedding, but something that looks good to you may not look good to one of your friends. After all, if there weren't a lot of guys who thought those ugly square toed shoes look good, there wouldn't be ugly square toed shoes out there. At times we must look at things from the other person's perspective.

Like I said, if a member of your wedding party didn't like those "proper" shoes that you chose for him, wouldn't you want him to ask your permission to substitute the square toed shoes before he just showed up on wedding day wearing them? These things work both ways.

Plus, far too much focus is placed on these matters at weddings. Afterall, isn't a wedding about celebrating a union and not which shoes the groomen will be wearing?

I couldn't agree with you more on that, but that isn't the point. It's still their wedding, not yours. That makes it their decision as to how much emphasis they want placed on this or that. Your decision is simply whether or not you want to be a participant, which you should decline to do if you don't feel that you can comply with their wishes.

Who knows, they may not care; but it's still their call and the OP is correctly respecting that by asking first. That makes him more of a gentleman and a friend even if he does end up in ugly square toed shoes.:icon_smile:

Cruiser

 

[FlatSix]

Two things I just remembered, don't know how relevant/amusing they are:

1) I declined to be in a wedding party in 1995 after seeing the proposed ensemble. For the record, it was mostly purple. As it turned out, the marriage didn't last, so no harm done.

2) One of the groomsmen for my brother's wedding forgot his socks and wore white socks. This is, apparently, the only thing my sister-in-law remembers about the wedding.

 

[TMMKC]

1) I declined to be in a wedding party in 1995 after seeing the proposed ensemble. For the record, it was mostly purple. As it turned out, the marriage didn't last, so no harm done.

:icon_smile_big:...were they Prince fans or something? In the late 1980s I wish I had the cajones then to decline to be in a wedding party. Light greyish/blue tuxedos with matching shoes! UGH! I assume it's bad form to decline to be in a wedding once asked, but I am starting to think there may be exceptions to that rule!

I have always found it odd that, when asked to be in a wedding, a man is expected to pay for the rental...or a woman is expected to pay for some ugly dress. I know this isn't the case with every wedding, of course, but it seems more the rule and the exception.

 

[Scoundrel]

Would you guys be as forgiving if the situation was reversed and someone did this to you because they thought it was in some way better than what you wanted?

It's not about doing it better, it's about doing it the correct way. There is a correct way and there are incorrect ways (within the context of clothing), and that's all there is to it. That's the problem with your assessment of calling the correct way better; as if correctness and incorrectness (within the context of clothing) are relative to each other! Even if the OP decides to wear his new business shoes, he still wouldn't be correct. Honestly though, a pair of plain, old business shoes (with a shine that will most likely say "I'm trying to pass off as high-shine") would be fitting with the described outfit: sort of a finishing touch to an already botched up monstrosity. Poetic justice in the works, if you will.

 

[JibranK]

Hello all,

So in a few months I'm going to be a groomsman in my friend's wedding. He has chosen a black "tux" with a black 2B notch-lapel jacket, black vest, and black necktie - not exactly my cup of tea, but fortunately it's not my wedding either.

I'm not going to bother trying to change his mind on what he picked out, but I would prefer to avoid wearing the square-toed patent leather shoes he selected as well (just can't stand the square-toed look). I recently bought a pair of Park Avenues in black - I'd much prefer to wear those, but would they be appropriate for such an outfit? (would they be formal enough?)

Thank you for you response!

Maybe it's an ethnicity thing (I'm of Indian origin) but I've never seen a wedding in my family where guests were given 'uniforms' so to say. Is this a common thing in weddings?

 

[PJC in NoVa]

Maybe it's an ethnicity thing (I'm of Indian origin) but I've never seen a wedding in my family where guests were given 'uniforms' so to say. Is this a common thing in weddings?

The OP's not an ordinary guest; he's in the wedding party.

Before I opened this thread, I had never heard of a wedding party where particular rented shoes were actually prescribed for the masculine members thereof; I hope it's not a trend.

All the square-toed Ken Cole-type shoes I've ever tried on (out of morbid curiosity, I guess) have turned out to feel ill-fitting to me, so I wasn't figuratively winking when I wrote that the OP would "discover" them to be such and might (I implied) use that as a reason for choosing another shoe. If he has any orthopedic or podiatric issues (yep, I got a few of those, too, especially when lengthy periods of standing are involved), they might make fodder for reasonable appeals as well.

Of course he should level about this. If the plastic canal boats really do fit, and he has no physical/medical reason for not wearing them, then he should suck it up and sport 'em for a few hours.

 

[JibranK]

The OP's not an ordinary guest; he's in the wedding party.

Before I opened this thread, I had never heard of a wedding party where particular rented shoes were actually prescribed for the masculine members thereof; I hope it's not a trend.

All the square-toed Ken Cole-type shoes I've ever tried on (out of morbid curiosity, I guess) have turned out to feel ill-fitting to me, so I wasn't figuratively winking when I wrote that the OP would "discover" them to be such and might (I implied) use that as a reason for choosing another shoe. If he has any orthopedic or podiatric issues (yep, I got a few of those, too, especially when lengthy periods of standing are involved), they might make fodder for reasonable appeals as well.

Of course he should level about this. If the plastic canal boats really do fit, and he has no physical/medical reason for not wearing them, then he should suck it up and sport 'em for a few hours.

The wedding party is included as far as what I mean. It would be very odd (in my opinion) if the wedding party was all wearing the same clothes (unless, of course, they were all in the same regiment or something else military-related and they're dressed in military uniform).