[Lebewohl]

For me, at the age of forty six, it unfortunately feels like the number of funerals, wakes, etc. I get invited to has gone up dramatically. I do not see that changing. What do people get these days for such occasions? Where does one shop for them? Obviously wouldn’t want to spend as much as I have on my other suits but also would like something that will last. What are my options?


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[Tiger]

For me, at the age of forty six, it unfortunately feels like the number of funerals, wakes, etc. I get invited to has gone up dramatically. I do not see that changing. What do people get these days for such occasions? Where does one shop for them? Obviously wouldn’t want to spend as much as I have on my other suits but also would like something that will last. What are my options?


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Wouldn’t a charcoal grey suit be a wiser choice, as it is more versatile and looks much better than a black suit?

 

[fishertw]

Wouldn’t a charcoal grey suit be a wiser choice, as it is more versatile and looks much better than a black suit?

I agree; paired with a white shirt and somber tie, it is quite appropriate.

 

[Andy]

Lebewohl:
Both Tiger and fishertw have good advice. I'd also suggest navy as being more versatile.
If you search the site you'll find:

What to Wear and When -- Funeral Attire

Attending a funeral is not about you, or the place to make a fashion statement, but a solemn occasion showing respect to the deceased and their family. Here are some suggestions for both men and women to help you choose what to wear. Men The Suit Traditionally, a suit and necktie are...

www.askandyaboutclothes.com

And some previous discussions (found by search) here:

Search results for query: funerals

www.askandyaboutclothes.com

 

[Vecchio Vespa]

All the above suggestions are spot on. I chose one dressy suit and picked charcoal. It can look very dressy and somber with a white broadcloth shirt and subdued tie (I like bows, and it looks great with a Churchill polka dotted navy), but it can, to a degree, carry off a more festive look with a colored shirt and a repp stripe or a bright foulard or a madder. It may all be in my mind, but I never felt comfortable trying to dress down with a navy suit. I am that sartorial abomination that belongs on the Trad board, and I like a charcoal suit with a blue or pink OCBD, a school colors repp, and tassel loafers in No. 8. I own no black shoes (other than for evening wear). I offer these added thoughts so that if you do not have a similar sensibility, you can just reject my ideas.

 

[Dhaller]

This just highlights the hazard of having friends who own black suits!

To jump on the bandwagon: charcoal grey. Wear it to the symphony on Friday, and the violinist's funeral the following Wednesday. Versatile.

(Unless you're a mobster: a mobster should probably have a black suit for funerals, just for atmospherics.)

DH

 

[Dhaller]

(The last funeral I went to was a "Viking" funeral. Old friend was a big history geek, and he wanted a proper viking funeral. We even sent a miniature Viking knorr afloat on a lake and set it aflame. Reception was at The Tilted Kilt, one of those skimpy-wench taverns. I did not wear a suit, but nor did I wear Viking costume, as was suggested in the invite. One never knows!)

DH

 

[smmrfld]

No black. Fortunately, formal funerals seem to be increasingly rare. Many more celebrations of life IME, which is great. Guests are often encouraged to dress in a manner that references the deceased in some way. So glad the stuffy services are in many cases a thing of the past.

 

[qtlaw24]

I'm just about 60 and have gone to way too many funerals (vs. weddings) these past 10 years and IMHO no one needs to wear a black suit to a funeral/life celebration. A well fitting navy/charcoal suit works just fine. At my dad's service this year, I could not have cared whether someone wore black or some other color, all I cared was that they came to pay their respects.

 

[Pr B]

As a man of the cloth, funerals have always been a regular thing for me. When I was a young buck, my mentor opined, "Black is for funeral directors, Roman Catholic priests, and prostitutes"! So I've always worn charcoal grey, albeit with a black clerical shirt, for funerals. (And navy blue for weddings.)

 

[Luckycharmboi2]

For me, at the age of forty six, it unfortunately feels like the number of funerals, wakes, etc. I get invited to has gone up dramatically. I do not see that changing. What do people get these days for such occasions? Where does one shop for them? Obviously wouldn’t want to spend as much as I have on my other suits but also would like something that will last. What are my options?


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Agree that you don't need a black suit. A dark gray suit works fine. That said, I have a basic BB 1818 black suit for such occasions. (It was bought quite a few years ago, so not sure I'd buy it from them now)

 

[Dhaller]

Agree that you don't need a black suit. A dark gray suit works fine. That said, I have a basic BB 1818 black suit for such occasions. (It was bought quite a few years ago, so not sure I'd buy it from them now)

As always, "it depends".

In fairness, I probably could have justified a black funeral suit - I have lots of friends who are mountaineers and free climbers - but (thankfully) it would have been largely unnecessary!

(Of course, if you HAVE one, you may as well wear it as needed, hoping the need seldom arises.)

DH

 

[Mike Petrik]

Delighted to agree with this unusually happy consensus!
A funeral is about the only occasion where pretty much every well-dressed man would agree that a solid black suit is a proper option. Fortunately, such men would also agree that the far more versatile solid dark gray or navy are equally proper options. Patterned dark suits are IMO not quite as optimal for funerals, but certainly acceptable as long as the pattern is conservatively muted.
To ssmrfld’s point, rules can be much more relaxed for celebrations of life. IME that distinction often turns on the age of death.
Happy 4th day of Christmas to all!

 

[zzdocxx]

Made me laugh twice Dhaller.

 

[New York City]

Black k suits,black trench coats,black dress shirts and black neckties have always been staples of lower middle class attire Navy blue and charcoal gray way more versatile. Can never understand why supposedly h igh end stores attire the male associates in head to toe black. 1980s nightclub doorman-bouncer look. Anything but upper middle class

 

[medhat]

As a black suit owner, I'm in the same boat as @Dhaller. TBH it's been quite a few years since I've worn it, and unfortunately it hasn't stemmed the slightly increasing rate of funerals. And almost all of those have been these so-called "life celebrations," which have been quite nice and indeed at times celebratory. For me, however, it's still probably going to be a full-on funeral mass. If I could get the kids to go along with it, there'd be a full choir as well. The only thing I'd be flexible with is how folks wished to take communion. All that said, probably a small group of attendees.

 

[Lebewohl]

Sorry. Going to get a little personal here. My dad has stage four lung cancer. Fortunately stable now. Still, my mom and I have been figuring out funeral arrangements - traditional Korean Buddhist so a little more complicated than normal. Long story short, my mother is expecting me to wear a black suit. I am absolutely not going to fight her on this. If I’m getting, I don’t want to get something that looks terrible and don’t want to spend too much.


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[Vecchio Vespa]

Sorry. Going to get a little personal here. My dad has stage four lung cancer. Fortunately stable now. Still, my mom and I have been figuring out funeral arrangements - traditional Korean Buddhist so a little more complicated than normal. Long story short, my mother is expecting me to wear a black suit. I am absolutely not going to fight her on this. If I’m getting, I don’t want to get something that looks terrible and don’t want to spend too much.


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So sorry to hear of such tough circumstances. I cannot help on a source for the black suit, but I fully understand the need to be supportive of your mother in this situation. All the best.

 

[fishertw]

Sorry. Going to get a little personal here. My dad has stage four lung cancer. Fortunately stable now. Still, my mom and I have been figuring out funeral arrangements - traditional Korean Buddhist so a little more complicated than normal. Long story short, my mother is expecting me to wear a black suit. I am absolutely not going to fight her on this. If I’m getting, I don’t want to get something that looks terrible and don’t want to spend too much.


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This may be a long shot but what are the chances that a traditonal formal wear rental shop may have a suit which might work.
I fully understand your wanting to adhere to your moms wishes. good luck.

 

[Matt S]

This may be a long shot but what are the chances that a traditonal formal wear rental shop may have a suit which might work.
I fully understand your wanting to adhere to your moms wishes. good luck.

They usually do, but the problem with renting is that they normally need advance notice.