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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
so my groomsmen are spread across the country and have various means so i don't think buying a suit is the best option. in a perfect world i'd have them all go to SuitSupply or similar for a well-priced, decently-made suit.

that just seems like it might be a hassle (again, they're spread across country).

so what are my options? i shudder at the though of using a Joseph A Bank or a Men's Warehouse but that seems to be the typical approach these days.

and yes, i know, the whole each groomsman looking the same is very "costumey" to some, but that is literally all most people in the Northeast USA know and what my fiancee and her family would prefer so there it is.

thanks!
 

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The Op has stated matching groomsmen is what his fiancée prefers, and that’s that.

It is the custom here in the Northeast to have the groomsmen in matching suits or tuxedos. I’ve been to my share of weddings and have never seen it otherwise, even in barn weddings.

OP, there is nothing inherently wrong with JAB or especially with JA suits. True the JAB areinexpensivly made, and tend to over structure the shoulders. The real issue with them is how they last. That should not be a concern in this instance. JA makes a decent mainline moderately priced suit. Better than JAB and most others you will find at that price, and not with the overly structured shoulders. For the purpose of a wedding either will be fine, JA will be more pricey. But a better product all around.
 

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Talk to your wife to be. Explain to her that besides schlepping across the country to attend your wedding, you don’t want to burden them further with the expense of buying new clothing.

Discuss it with her, the way married couples discuss things. Her family doesn’t matter. What matters is what the two of you want. Time to grow up and make decisions together without the input of your families.
 

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I'm going to assume these men are young (let's call it under 30, based on the OP's handle), and probably some or most have no actual suits.

Bride wants groomsmen in matching suits and/or tuxes.

Just rent.

I know that's the wrong answer here, but if I'm a young man recently out of college (or whatever) and someone wants me to *buy a suit* so I can be a groomsman at their wedding? No. I might buy a suit, but it will be on my terms for my purposes.

I was a groomsman and/or best man on several occasions in my 20s, and granted, it was a more innocent era (late 80s/early 90s) but you just rented and thought nothing of it. It's a one-time thing. Maybe some will find it cool, dressing up, and buy a suit or tux later on, but it just seems demanding to expect all your groomsmen to actually go shopping, attend fittings, etc. for a couple hours' duties.

Plenty of "tasteful" options at the better rental places (yes, they put the purple tux and yellow Nehru jacket in the window, but they have traditional stuff. Maybe you have to suffer notched-lapel indignity, but so be it.)

My 2 cents (of savings).

DH
 

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Talk to your wife to be. Explain to her that besides schlepping across the country to attend your wedding, you don't want to burden them further with the expense of buying new clothing.

Discuss it with her, the way married couples discuss things. Her family doesn't matter. What matters is what the two of you want. Time to grow up and make decisions together without the input of your families.
No offense intended, but, are you married?
 

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As someone who used to work at MW (and still offered his groomsmen the opportunity to wear their own tux if they had one, using rentals as the baseline for those who didn't want to own one), the best way to get an acceptable outcome with rentals is as follows:

Check and make sure your groomsmen are all coming into town at least two days before the wedding. Go to MW/JAB. Pick out your styles (and keep a firm hand on the tiller to avoid the "crazy socks"/fake flower lapel pin/super bright pocket square package if at all possible). Have your groomsmen go get fitted at their local branch. Arrange for all the rentals to come into your local branch - they're guaranteed to arrive at least 2 days ahead of the event.

The week of the wedding, go into the store with your groomsmen. Have them all try on. Hem and sleeve alterations can be done overnight. So can re-orders for any sizes that are egregiously off.

Then rest easy knowing that a) your fiancee is happy, b) you will look best of all men in the wedding party and c) your friends either don't know any better, or are willing to suffer a less than perfect ensemble for the sake of your big day.
 

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Talk to your wife to be. Explain to her that besides schlepping across the country to attend your wedding, you don't want to burden them further with the expense of buying new clothing.

Discuss it with her, the way married couples discuss things. Her family doesn't matter. What matters is what the two of you want. Time to grow up and make decisions together without the input of your families.
LOL. While I applaud what you are proposing and would gladly have followed such advice back in the day, at this point in my life I feel compelled to ask; "have you met Bridezilla and more importantly have you met her mother?" The maternal seed of Bridezilla is indeed both a fearsome and a loathsome beast, One that is best avoided whenever possible! As both a former groom and as the father of two brides, I have learned that there is but one right answer to whatever outrageous requests the bride and/or her mother might voice...and that is "Yes dear and for how much might I make out the check !" LOL. ;)
 

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LOL. While I applaud what you are proposing and would gladly have followed such advice back in the day, at this point in my life I feel compelled to ask; "have you met Bridezilla and more importantly have you met her mother?" The maternal seed of Bridezilla is indeed both a fearsome and a loathsome beast, One that is best avoided whenever possible! As both a former groom and as the father of two brides, I have learned that there is but one right answer to whatever outrageous requests the bride and/or her mother might voice...and that is "Yes dear and for how much might I make out the check !" LOL. ;)
I completely understand the instinct but at some point a married couple needs to start making decisions for themselves. Otherwise both will be stuck in a state of perpetual adolescence.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Talk to your wife to be. Explain to her that besides schlepping across the country to attend your wedding, you don't want to burden them further with the expense of buying new clothing.

Discuss it with her, the way married couples discuss things. Her family doesn't matter. What matters is what the two of you want. Time to grow up and make decisions together without the input of your families.
lol, dude really?

not to mention it's what she wants as well since, again, that is what is the "norm" in the NE USA.

i have never seen mismatched groomsman in real life and to be quite honest i think it looks fairly terrible in the photos i've seen. that's not to say it isn't the right approach, more convenient (for some) and can't be done well.
 

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lol, dude really?

not to mention it's what she wants as well since, again, that is what is the "norm" in the NE USA.

i have never seen mismatched groomsman in real life and to be quite honest i think it looks fairly terrible in the photos i've seen. that's not to say it isn't the right approach, more convenient (for some) and can't be done well.
Your comments are at odds with themselves.

At once you say it looks terrible from what you've seen and then indicate that's not to say it can't be done well.

No one is saying they need to be mismatched, just coordinated. It's your wedding. You've been hanging out here long enough to have some idea of what coordination means. Do your homework. Have you spoke to your groomsmen? Do they have a charcoal or otherwise dark suit in their closets.

Otherwise, oblige your groomsmen to go out and spend money for your big day, or better yet pony up your own cash and explain to the newly minted Mrs. why you need to hold off on buying new things for your home because she and her mom thought that the groomsmen needed to match one another.

Someone else mentioned renting. A good option.
 

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Come on let’s get real.

I’ve said it before and i’ll Say it again. Women think nothing about REQUIRING their bridesmaids to spend hundreds of dollars on gowns they will NEVER wear again

Asking the guys to do the same for a $200 JAB suit they can wear dozens of times does not seem onerous

They are going to be spending much much more for airfare and hotels for both themselves and their SO or +1. They will be saving a few meals at the bride and grooms expense that should cover a JAB suits cost.

As for paying for some bridal party’s suits or gowns? I’m sure if the wedding is too expensive for them to attend then the lucky couple’s parents or the couple themselves can foot the bill. With a typical wedding in the NE running well North of $50K and 6 figures not being unusual, what’s another grand to make sure all the participants look the way the bride and groom want.

We’re not talking going to city hall and a Diner for 20 people. For a full blown catered affair with band photographer florist wedding planner meals transportation hair nails makeup gowns and 200+ people you are not going to cheap out over a lousy couple of grand either way. Jesus, just renting heaters for standby for a Fall outdoor wedding cost a bucketful more and are frequently not needed.
 

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I told my groomsmen that the dress code for the even was black tie and sent them the link to the black tie guide. I then went on to tell them that they were grown men, capable of dressing themselves, and also capable of following the guidelines provided to them of what black tie was. I didn't care if the rented, bought, or borrowed from a friend. On the day, everything worked out just fine.

As for the "bend over backwards and do whatever she wants you to do" advice...hey, it's your life, but I truly feel sorry for people who do this. This is just as much your day as it is hers. If you don't care about these things, then fine. But if you do (and it seems you do otherwise you wouldn't have posted), then be a man, stand up for yourself, and do what you want. Reverse the situation and think about how ridiculous of an idea it would be to TELL your fiancé how her and her bridesmaids were going to dress at the wedding. Well, it's just as ridiculous for her to tell you. If you want her input, solicit it, but this is your decision.

Believe me, my (now) wife and her mother and all of her friends fought me tooth and nail on it. But, I stood my ground and politely explained to them that this was my decision. You can do the same thing.
 

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So many things in this world are beyond ones control. So this is an easy one:
Happy wife, happy life
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Believe me in this life this is nonsense. Just do what makes here happy. It’s not like losing a job, getting blinded or having a child with cancer, it’s BS
 

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As for the "bend over backwards and do whatever she wants you to do" advice...hey, it's your life, but I truly feel sorry for people who do this. This is just as much your day as it is hers. If you don't care about these things, then fine. But if you do, then be a man, stand up for yourself, and do what you want. If you want her input, solicit it, but this is your decision.

Believe me, my (now) wife and her mother and all of her friends fought me tooth and nail on it. But, I stood my ground and politely explained to them that this was my decision. You can do the same thing.
I agree in theory with the above advice. That's the nagging question: Whether the groom-to-be should give in to, or push back against, the dictates of his bride-to-be concerning the wedding preparations. Everyone has a different answer. In fact, the opinions are so spread over the map that I've decided to take a pragmatic approach: The man should just bite the bullet and go along with whatever his fiancée-and her mother-want. Why not? The wedding is over and done with in one day. Do the easy thing.

So never mind the wedding. Instead, I'd rather see the future groom take the initiative when it comes to thinking about something infinitely more important than the wedding: the many years (let's hope) that the marriage will last. Let the bride have her way on one day. But the rest of the couple's lives? The man must speak up. To that end, I'd like to see every newly-engaged man explain the following to his fiancée:

* That as a married couple, they will truly be co-equals.

* That he will never see her in a subordinate light.

* Accordingly, due to their co-equal status, he will never scold her, criticize her, or berate her-because not only is that no way to treat someone, those are things that people do to people whom they view as their inferiors. In return, he expects that she will never scold, criticize, or berate him. If there's something that's bothering her, they should talk it out calmly. There must be no hurting of each other's feelings. They must treat each other with respect. The fact that they are married does not mean that they are now free to dispense with the tact, courtesy, kindness, and thoughtfulness with which they treated each other when they were dating.

*So many newly-married women have the following attitude: "OK. Now that I'm married to him, I own him. I don't have to be quite as nice to him as I was when I was his girlfriend. I'm allowed to give orders now. And I get to start changing him so that he fits my idea of exactly how a husband should behave. I will correct him. I will improve him. And because he loves me, he will be happy to accept instruction. Sure we're equals, but I'm more equal, so I get to train him." Well, no. He's going to be her husband, not her administrative assistant. Just as he will accept her as she is, she must accept him as he is. If he is not already the life partner she is looking for, then they are not a match. Because he's not going to change on her say-so. (Children and the natural aging process will certainly change him, but she won't.)

* As true co-equals, he doesn't get to boss her around, and she doesn't get to boss him around. How the household chores are divided, how the money is spent, and how their leisure time is spent are subjects to be discussed and mutually agreed upon. Neither party blindsides the other with sudden orders to go there or do that.

*Her opinions will matter, and his opinions will matter.

*She shouldn't bother sulking. Ever. He's impervious to it.

* Sometimes, on weekends, he will sit down on something called his "ass" and proceed to watch something called "the game." He will not interrupt his viewing of said game in order to go with her to Bed, Bath & Beyond to look at shower curtains. Consider this fair warning.

* There's going to be sex even if she's tired. If she wants a foot massage first, she's got it. If she wants breakfast in bed tomorrow, it's hers. But there will be sex (if by some miracle she finally agrees). [NB: Good luck with that.]

(By the way, what is it with wives and sex? They think that sex must not commence until they are in the mood. What they totally fail to get is that they will get into the mood quickly enough after the sexual activity begins--assuming they eventually consent, of course.)

I understand that the above comments, no-nonsense as they are, could throw a monkey-wrench into the engagement. Good! Perhaps if more men sat their fiancées down and expressed these expectations, some marriages that should never occur will wisely be cancelled, thereby cutting down on the divorce rate.

Well, that's my dream. I doubt if too many affianced young fellas will take my advice because (a) they have no idea what they're in for and (b) romantic love clouds the mind. "But she's the love of my life! She's great in bed! What could possibly go wrong?"
 
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