Men's Clothing Forums banner
Cancel
Create thread New Forums

chivalry: rules of door holding.

Jump to Latest
1 - 20 of 37 Posts
R

resilient

· Registered
Joined
·
38 Posts
Discussion starter · #1 ·
hi everyone,

about a week ago, i started holding doors open for every woman and elderly couple that i encountered. because i am a college student, i think that the majority of people responded especially favorably to this gesture. i have decided to permanently incorporate this into my life, but i do, however, have a question about the rules of door holding...

lets say the door i am exiting opens towards me. do i open the door with enough force so that the person can walk through after i have exited, or do i open the door and step back allowing the person to walk through before i have exited?

it seems like taking a step back would be the right move to do, but i tried that today and it felt extremely awkward. the girl gave me a funny look while i motioned her into the doorway... at least i got a nice "thank you."
 
#2 ·
I find it really sad that the logic of chivalry must be explained to anyone (it's great that you think enough about it to ask); it means that my generation and the next didn't do our task well enough. In this instance, if the door opens toward you, pull it open and hold it for the person (or people) behind you; if it opens away from you, push it open and hold it so the person behind you can step through. If that isn't possible (there are doors one simply can't hold open that way) then open it, step through and hold it open. If the person behind you gets upset that you did it that way, don't worry about them; they're probably incapable of understanding it, anyway. I have to add, however, that the truly polite person doesn't limit his/her politesse to women and elderly couples, but extends it to all.
 
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
#3 ·
Rip, you are quite right.

However, a most annoying part of the process is when you hold it open and people walk through just ignoring you, without any kind of acknowledgement. It's not necessary to say thanks but a quick bit of eye contact or other gesture to recognise what you have done goes a long way. One feels like calling "You're Welcome!" after the ingrates! :icon_smile:
 
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
Discussion starter · #4 ·
ok, so i understand that part rip, but i was curious about what happens if the person is not behind me but rather coming toward me (separated by the door).

here is a poorly drawn diagram to show you what i mean...


o <--- person

----- <---- door

o <--- me
 
#5 ·
I know what you're talking about resilient. For such people, if they're either getting to the door before me or close enough to the same time, I'd open the door and let them go through first.

I think rip is dead on about the fault starting with his generation (I'm guessing that's the baby boom generation or thereabouts).
 
#6 · (Edited)
resilient,

Thank you for willfully deciding to join the more human side of this world!
The likes of you are few and far between.

My father would have smacked me in the head for failing to hold the door for someone,
my mother, would have done worse!

I held the door for 5 people in the parking garage of my office this evening as I left for the weekend, only 3 said thank you, of those, two were truly grateful for the gesture.
It is easy to throw in the towel and say why bother, please do not.
Women under 30 or so are the least likely to acknowledge your effort.

I have been known to add the odd "your welcome" or having held the door for the first series of doors, making sure I do not for the second series of doors, this is NOT correct, but you will meet the odd first class B$#@ who will do everything possible to ignore you, pause and make you stand there like a door man, make it difficult to hold the second door and so on.

Be strong, be proper, and set the example
(do better than I do at times when faced with a wretch of a human)
and when the time comes, raise your children the way it should be, which will be second nature to you by that time, and know the last generation screwed up with their priorities in life and right their wrongs for you and for your children
(with this, I do not just mean holding a door, but I am guessing you got that!).

Most doors today are heavy,
step through the door first and hold the door when faced with a push door.
Open the door and stand back and wait for the person to exit ahead of you when faced with a pull door.

Today, most states (provinces here) insist on push doors for exit doors as this reduces the risk of people being trapped in an emergency if there is a crowd building up against an exit door, it should just push open to free the people from a building, pull doors are dangerous in large public buildings, so assume in most cases, you will exit, and hold the door keeping a clear path for the person following you.

I often throw in a "have a good evening" when the person is approaching my own parent's age,
it wil be lost on the younger generation who will likely see it as a cheap pick up attempt.
 
#8 ·
I've always opened doors for women. For that matter I try to be courteous and hold doors that I have already opened for myself for anyone, man or woman. I don't think I have ever thought of there being any specific rules as to when or how to open or hold a door for someone, I've just let the circumstances dictate what I do.

For example, if opening or holding a door creates a greater inconvenience for the person due to positioning or something of that nature, I don't make matters worse just trying to express chivalry. I think if you just try to practice courtesy and good manners you really won't have to even think about when or how to do it. It will just be second nature.

Cruiser
 
#10 ·
Rossini said:
Rip, you are quite right.

However, a most annoying part of the process is when you hold it open and people walk through just ignoring you, without any kind of acknowledgement. It's not necessary to say thanks but a quick bit of eye contact or other gesture to recognise what you have done goes a long way. One feels like calling "You're Welcome!" after the ingrates! :icon_smile:
Click to expand...
Quite right, and we wish more people were grateful, but true chivalry is done for the act itself, not for recognition of the act.
 
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
#12 ·
zegnamtl said:
Women under 30 or so are the least likely to acknowledge your effort.
Click to expand...
Interesting, my experience is different. Women under 30 are actually quite polite about it. It's the ones from, say 40 to 60 - male and female - who believe they are too important and too busy and it is their right to have the door held open for them that are least likely to say thanks - at least in my experience. Maybe it's a peer thing, to do with a latent respect for people of a similar age profile.
 
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
#13 ·
resilient said:
ok, so i understand that part rip, but i was curious about what happens if the person is not behind me but rather coming toward me (separated by the door).

here is a poorly drawn diagram to show you what i mean...

o <--- person

----- <---- door

o <--- me
Click to expand...
You hold the door for them, end of story.
 
Save
Reply Quote Like Like
#15 ·
Rossini said:
Rip, you are quite right.

However, a most annoying part of the process is when you hold it open and people walk through just ignoring you, without any kind of acknowledgement. It's not necessary to say thanks but a quick bit of eye contact or other gesture to recognise what you have done goes a long way. One feels like calling "You're Welcome!" after the ingrates! :icon_smile:
Click to expand...
I could not have said it better. Spot on!
 
#16 ·
I often find it nice, and chivalric, when someone relieves me of the door holding duty. I open the door for all, without discrimination, whenever I go through the door. But when another man comes to the door (not elderly, mind you) he really should thank me and then hold the door open so that I may pass- as one gentleman to another. In the Northwest United States I see this often and I feel good that there are others out there that practice this kind, yet dying, gesture.
 
#17 ·
Rossini said:
One feels like calling "You're Welcome!" after the ingrates! :icon_smile:
Click to expand...
I've actually done that exact thing on occasion...mostly with younger women who have no manners. I've always held doors (including car doors) open for women, risen when they come into a room or leave/approcah a dining table, etc. Ninety percent of the women I have encountered I do that for truly appreciate it (the other ten percent are rude, clueless dolts). My wife once told me one of the little things she said she immediately liked about me (on our first date) was that I held open doors for her.
 
#18 ·
One of the nice things about Hawaii is the culture here is generally still to hold the door open for one another when the circumstances make it the polite thing to do. And I wouldn't even say it's restricted by sex or age, although it is more unusual to see a woman holding open a door for a man.

By the way, it is also considered extremely impolite to beep your car horn, except in an emergency.
 
#20 ·
JayJay said:
I've had women in business settings scold me for attempting to open or hold the door for them. Mentioning to them that I do it for men too didn't make them any nicer to me.
Click to expand...
This has happened to me, fortunately very rarely.
The comment was something to the effect of, "I do not need a man to get through a door".
 
1 - 20 of 37 Posts
About this Discussion
36 Replies
22 Participants
Last post:
Asterix
Men's Clothing Forums
posts
1.7M
members
84K
Since
2004
A forum community dedicated to men’s fashion and clothing enthusiasts. Come join the discussion about collections, materials, models, styles, scales, reviews, accessories, classifieds, and more!
Full Forum Listing
Explore Our Forums
Timeless Style Trad Style The Interchange Food, Drink, Travel & The Arts Deals, Steals, & Sales!