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Proper 
Table Manners: 

It's important to make a good impression at mealtime too.

Etiquette is defined as the rules for socially acceptable behavior.

A  17th century French dictionary gave its meaning as a small sign, label, or ticket.  “Etiquettes” were placed around the palaces and gardens, instructing fine guests where to walk, where to stand, what not to touch – essentially telling them how to behave!

We have adapted this word from the French to refer to our manners and the proper way we conduct ourselves socially. There is dining etiquette, telephone etiquette, even golf and surfing etiquette!

Etiquette isn’t new.  It may have begun with a behavior code by Ptahhotep, in Egypt’s reign of the Fifth Dynasty King Djedkare Isesi (ca. 2412 – 2375 BC).

Ancient Greece and Rome, developed rules for proper social conduct.  Confucius included rules for eating and speaking with his philosophy.

The behavior that identifies a "gentleman" was codified in the sixteenth century, in a book by Baldassare Castiglione, Il Cortegiano ("The Courtier"); and remained essentially in force until World War I.

Dining Etiquette:

There are all kinds of opportunities to impress, such as dates, meeting the parents, lunch with the boss, not to mention the Holidays, plus more and more job interviews are being done over a dinner table.  

One faux pas and you can kiss that promotion goodbye or never get to kiss the blind date across from you! 

From the beginning of time, the act of eating together has had a pleasant social significance.  The word companion and company comes from the Latin "com-", meaning "with" or "together" and the Latin "panis" meaning "bread" or "food". 

A companion is someone you eat with!

So that the experience is as pleasant and inoffensive as possible requires developing acceptable techniques of eating.

    “You should wipe your spoon before
passing it to a neighbor."

    "Do not blow your nose with the same
hand that you use to hold the meat”

       -- Erasmus, Dutch humanist and author of the first modern book of manners in 1526.

Maybe we’ve gotten more civilized since then, or maybe not!

Nowhere is a lack of training more quickly betrayed than at the table.  Below are the ten most common faux pas in social dining and how you can avoid them! 

1.  Which is my water, bread plate, napkin???   

If you remember: liquids on the right, solids on the left, you’ll never eat someone else’s bread again!  That’s your coffee cup to the right of the plate, and your bread plate on the left!  

Your napkin is always placed somewhere within your dining territorial borders. 

2.  As soon as you are seated, unfold your napkin and place it on your lap.  The napkin remains on your lap (except for use) until the end of the meal.  That’s when the diners are leaving the table, not just when you finish! 

If you need to leave the table temporarily, you may leave the napkin in your chair as a signal to the waiter that you will be returning. This is also a consideration for the other diners who won't have to look at your soiled napkin on the table!

Use your napkin before drinking from a glass or cup. 

At the conclusion of the meal, place your napkin partly folded, never crumpled, at the left of your plate.  Even a paper napkin should never be crushed and tossed into your plate.  

3.  The Place Setting:  The first and only utensil was the dagger, that same threatening symbol of violence that you carried with you for defense!  The prevention of violence was one of the principal aims of table manners.  So there are some serious restrictions regarding knives at the table. The knife is never pointed at anyone.

A blade pointed outward is a sign that you wish the person across from you harm!!  Richelieu was responsible for the rounding off of the points on table knife blades in 1669 France in order to prevent further dinnertime bloodshed. 

The traditional place setting has the forks on the left side and knives (always turned inward facing the plate) and spoons on the right side.  The silver is placed in order of use so that you can follow the rule “begin at the outside and work in” towards the plate! *

Formal Dinner Place Setting

*You'll note (as J. Rankin of Portland, OR did!) that this table setting is European style since the salad is served after the main course.  In America the salad fork would be between #2 and 3 above.

 (The butter knife (#11), used only for spreading butter, should be already on your bread plate. 

Dessert spoons/forks (#12) are usually brought in with the dessert, but often the dessert silver is placed above the dinner plate.  The origin of the term dessert is from the French “desservie” meaning to de-serve or clear the table.  Dessert was intended to clear the palate. 

4.  No Oars!  Once silverware is picked up from the table it NEVER touches the table again.  Place it on the outer rim of the plate between bites, but never rest silver gangplank fashion, half on the table and half on the plate. 

5.   When to Start – in gatherings of six or less people, begin eating only after everyone is served.  For larger groups, such as banquets, it is customary to start eating after four or five people have been served, or permission is granted from those not yet served. 

6.   Bread and rolls are broken off into bite-size pieces (why do you think they call meals, breaking bread!!!) and butter is spread on each bite as you eat it.  Never use a knife to cut the bread, nor butter a whole slice at once!

Butter should be taken when passed, and placed onto your bread plate, never directly onto your bread. 

7.   Dishes are passed from left to right.  When a waiter serves you, food will be presented on your left, and the dish will be removed from your right side when you’ve finished. 

8.  Salt and pepper are always passed together, even if someone asks you only for the salt.  They are considered “married” in proper dining circles. 

9.  Hold a stemmed glass by the stem!  This is to prevent chilled drinks, such as white wine from becoming warmed by your hand, but it holds for non-chilled drinks as well. 

10.   The finish – when you are finished with each course your knife (blade turned inward) and fork should be placed beside each other on the plate diagonally from upper left to lower right (11 to 5 if you imagine your plate as a clock face).  This is a signal to the waiter that you are finished.  And don’t push your plate away or otherwise rearrange your dishes from their position when you are finished. 

There are two styles of eating, Continental and American.  In the Continental style, which is more practical, the knife (for right handed folks) is kept in the right hand and the fork in the left, with no switching unlike the zigzag practice of the American style where the fork is changed from the left hand to the right after cutting food. 

The left hand is usually kept off the table and in your lap during American style dining, except when it's being used to hold the fork during the cutting of food.

In the Continental style the fork is held in the left hand with the tines down; the back of the fork up and the left index finger is placed on the back of the fork, low, for stability.  This works for meat and other foods that can be pierced.  For other foods (mashed potatoes, etc.) the fork is held in the same manner and the food is placed on the back of the fork and transferred to your mouth. 

Both knife and fork are held while you chew although you can rest them on the plate.

The Continental, which most people consider old world is actually newer!  It was introduced by the British around 1880, but Americans were trying to instill manners on their frontiersmen.  The new dining methods were rejected as disruptive in the middle of this teaching process.   American society felt it would diminish respect for the strict rules that were being established to remove the barbarian image.

When you are "resting", not using the utensils at the table, but you are not yet finished, the knife and fork should be placed on the plate like this:

This silverware placement is a signal to the waiter not to remove your plate!

Of course, this is assuming that the waiter knows some basic table manners!

Now that we know you have favorably impressed everyone with your exquisite table manners, we hope you get that job, promotion and/or the girl. 

Finished!


                                                                         -- Andy Gilchrist

For More on the History of Dining Utensils CLICK HERE!

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